Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
The sooner you realize there's no happily ever after, the happier you'll be.
Is “because, fuck you” a valid reason to take a sick day?
“This sounds an awful lot like not my problem” - me to every whiny bitch, ever.
The better my chances are of seeing you naked, the better your chances are of me answering your texts. I don’t make the rules, people.
I've entered the idiot portion of my day
Giving my dads dogs the jazz hands so they can see I have no food.
This is rock bottom.
It’s amazing that Twitter hasn’t become Mecca for divorce lawyers yet.
Don't confuse my being nice with a willingness to tolerate bullshit. You'll end up playing with yourself. Again.
Judge me after you get to know me.
Or don't. Your loss, not mine.
Complaining about every little thing isn't sexy. It just accelerates my path to the unfollow button.
I’m 100% in love with my mood today.
If you lost your khakis you can't get in your pants... But if you're from Boston and you lost your khakis you can't get in your car.
I need to set higher standards for my trophies.
I wish you guys would have let me know that it was international "fuck you i'm on my period" week.
My God your tits are hypnotic
Whoever took off with my motivation, it has my permission to spend the night at your place
Part of me still wants to believe that Canadian women aren’t insane.
I'm home, I'm horny, and I'm off work tomorrow. One at a time, ladies.
I’m that asshole that teaches bitches the invaluable lesson:
Read the fucking profile before you follow somebody!
Peanut butter crackers. Because fuck you, that’s why.
I AM INAPPROPRIATE. Don't say you weren't warned. You must be at least 25 to ride this ride. If you don't like hockey, we can't have sex. #nerdproblems