I'm not too concerned about my wife & ex-gf talking to each other. Afterall, they have something in common. It's small, but it's something.

"IKEA" is Swedish for "argument".

BREAKING: Audio named as Video's accomplice in the killing of the Radio Star. Film at 11.

WWJD? Well, for starters, he'd probably always use his turn signal.

"I really wish people would quit f**king up all my good quotes." - Winston Churchill, 2010

"My Applebee's gift card came today!" - No one, ever.

I swear, my iPod keeps playing the same 5,379 songs over and over again.

Whoever said nothing is impossible obviously never tried to staple water to a tree.

Your Facebook friend request was more conversation than we had in high school.

You know who else put his friends into circles? Dante.

Not to get technical...but according to chemistry -Alcohol is a solution.

You're 35, married and have 2 kids. Time to let go of that nickname you gave yourself in high school.

As a parent, few things are more terrifying than the moment before opening a sippy cup found under the seat of your car. Water? Juice? MILK?

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy.

"I'm going to post a vague status about the drama in my life so that everyone will pay attention to me!" -- most of my facebook friends.

According to television, a lot of people have cameras in their medicine cabinets.

Anybody know why so many people ask so many rhetorical questions on Twitter?

"See you next year!!" -- THAT guy, in your office, every...single...year.

I may have over-trusted that fart.

Today is the 55th anniversary of Rosa Parks refusal to give up her seat. To honor that, I'll let someone else sit in my seat at work.