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  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    Did you know you can add "boom" to the end of any sentence and it's immediately awesome and you're amazing? Boom.

    • 1,821
    • FAVS
    meechthebeeechTeowulflilgapeach32SternoShotsmarhinelandrickolanternZora_d_1991BwanaChris
    • 809
    • RETWEETS
    m_owens2010Teowulflilgapeach32SternoShotsrickolanternZora_d_1991TKMonikerOhgoddessitsme
    joeljeffreythetobbie5haelhidingfrommeCleverLinguistDavidOzmundRyenInTheMoineslancevarnadoNotJustJack______SteelFontanaCoastiefish
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    I am woman. Hear me talk. And talk. And talk. And talk.

    • 1,533
    • FAVS
    lilgapeach32SternoShotsmarhinelandOhgoddessitsmeDanieChaseVanillaRoadsBareChestyiwearaonesie
    • 870
    • RETWEETS
    lilgapeach32TKMonikerVanillaRoadsBareChestyPsstCaptain007Rex_IncBoredButPerkyJojo_51213
    NaturalBornGriz__edheenan__________C_J_Commode______jrogasm__________GHCanada__________crayan9DukeOfOyl________shatty48
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    I'm not wearing underwear in church. And I'm tweeting. I'm tweeting about not wearing underwear in church. Holy shit. It's like I SEE hell.

    • 1,624
    • FAVS
    jenniferaburnetAuburn83lilgapeach32SternoShotsmarhinelandquaresmamamaBareChestyangfoster80
    • 575
    • RETWEETS
    lilgapeach32SternoShotsonelongbenderthenoahkinsey007Rex_IncHeyRacheTotallyUnfunnycastabignet
    cynicuhlsee_more13One_FineMessTinkerbell_Reverend_ScottabstracteMaui_SpeaksfarleftcoastSteelFontanaCoastiefishSupportPets_
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    I hate when I have sex and then I accidentally have three kids and then I can't hear anything because EVERYONE IS FUCKING YELLING!

    • 1,089
    • FAVS
    sockher_momTeowulflilgapeach32SternoShotsmarhinelandBareChestyXOXOludlowScarletWLand
    • 515
    • RETWEETS
    lilgapeach32RickyScampthenoahkinseyPsstCaptainJen_Up_____TheCrumbDiary007Rex_IncCareEg33
    SteelFontanaTweetingDadGuyfortuitouslifeEFFFFFFYOU________
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.

    • 1,154
    • FAVS
    iLikeCatShirtssockher_momlilgapeach32SternoShotsmarhinelandMiciuraTheDavidMcGuireBareChesty
    • 367
    • RETWEETS
    iLikeCatShirtsSternoShotsmarhinelandPsstCaptainBareChestythenoahkinseyJen_Up_____TheCrumbDiary
    JoshuaHvrGroperClevelandprontopupcynicuhledheenan__________
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    My evolution of twitter has been "Oh you have to get a twitter and follow me!" to completely avoiding eye contact when someone mentions it.

    • 912
    • FAVS
    chocmoney1974lilgapeach32scootiekkSternoShotsmarhinelandRickyScampBareChestythenoahkinsey
    • 376
    • RETWEETS
    PearlsSassClasslilgapeach32SternoShotsmarhinelandthenoahkinsey007Rex_Inc_KeyaPBraniaMedicina____
    ChazballparkLeggaliciousKKAlThanijrogasm__________NotJustJack______wheatnik
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    I get tons of stars!!!


    From the same, like, 13 people.



    But still. Lots.

    • 943
    • FAVS
    LloydchiiOhaiqtpiewick186LetmebethepearlLin_BakerkwirkyKerriAimeeAuthorrickkondell
    • 195
    • RETWEETS
    wick186AimeeAuthorrickkondelliLikeCatShirtsSternoShotsPsstCaptain007Rex_IncCallMeDraper
    SinLegionBelvAndBourbthedayofthedotfastmofobanshee
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    I'm still not sure where we stand, Pluto is or is not considered a real dog?

    • 771
    • FAVS
    S8804Hurricane_TimmyBlackCheesePieiLikeCatShirtsDanielRDyssonTeowulfchocmoney1974Faceyspace
    • 336
    • RETWEETS
    Nouhaila_20Hurricane_TimmyiLikeCatShirtsTeowulfchocmoney1974ShotgunWillie18lilgapeach32SternoShots
    galiamangoAristotlesNZ______nerdamage
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    Facebook: where we complain.

    Google+: where we go to be alone.

    Twitter: where we go to be inappropriately amazing.

    • 728
    • FAVS
    marhinelandaShiverOfSharks__BwanaChrisKStreetHipsteroneeyedhero______SavageAphroditeMs_Gainsbourg____BareChesty
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    RealistGingeroneeyedhero______SavageAphroditeMs_Gainsbourg____BareChesty007Rex_IncJojo_51213sonikhan1993
    Try_Aand_Cilife_suckerClubNette
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    If you don’t mumble “fuck off” to your children under your breath for the first two hours every morning, then tell me your secrets, wizard.

    • 667
    • FAVS
    sockher_momlilgapeach32scootiekkmarhinelandBareChestyJagerMouthDrunkComedyScarletWLand
    • 259
    • RETWEETS
    BareChestythenoahkinseyPsstCaptainTheCrumbDiary007Rex_IncTINY_TOESIES______ettah17CallMeDraper
    thenoahkinseyJenny4ashleyradtoria__________Walmartin2011
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    RT'ing without starring is like saying "here look at this, I don't like it but fuck it, maybe you will."

    • 689
    • FAVS
    urgeekisshowinglilgapeach32marhinelandcelestinelea90badboyversionMs_Gainsbourg____BareChesty007Rex_Inc
    • 200
    • RETWEETS
    lilgapeach32aShiverOfSharks__Ms_Gainsbourg____BareChesty007Rex_IncCallMeDraperDarkMollie3myk5
    edheenan__________KaeWhy270DanTheSnickconfusedlush______
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING.

    • 497
    • FAVS
    lilgapeach32marhinelandBwanaChrisBareChestyKryseyb__________Jen_Up_____TheCrumbDiary007Rex_Inc
    • 383
    • RETWEETS
    Jen_Up_____TheCrumbDiary007Rex_IncTotallyUnfunnyHypercraxyThorish__________DarkMollie3myk5
    gorillagunt______
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    I just pushed a beautiful baby girl out of my vagina. Nice try, girls complaining about their periods.

    • 748
    • FAVS
    marhinelandBwanaChrisBareChesty007Rex_IncBrytanHTINY_TOESIES______TheMongoose69thereverendcink
    • 131
    • RETWEETS
    BareChesty007Rex_IncBrytanHplease_Sir_CallMeDraper3myk5slopoke1000aaronup
    erica_rosiejrogasm__________IGotsSmartsSexxxiMommmy______NaturalBornGriz__9to5LifeSl_Inky__________scotthellrisingOneLinersPlus
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    Ok teeny, tiny, shitty little smart car, one day I'm not gonna stop when I rip into that parking spot thinking it's empty. Shifty bastard.

    • 640
    • FAVS
    marhinelandCubanaMama82BareChesty007Rex_IncBrytanHCareEg33TheMongoose69thereverendcink
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    BareChestyPsstCaptain007Rex_IncBrytanHTomServo18MissvalCarain4026_ameskathymvaccaro
    1800RandySteelFontana
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    The RT button. Because sometimes other people just say it perfectly.

    • 460
    • FAVS
    marhinelandBwanaChrisDanieChaseBareChestyTw1tter_K1tten007Rex_IncBrytanHCareEg33
    • 281
    • RETWEETS
    TKMonikerBareChestyPsstCaptain007Rex_IncmrgseaTomServo18Mr_Unknown2u______brookeivy
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    Hey, people without kids, I have a message for you when you wake up in like 5 hours, "fuck you."


    That is all.

    • 593
    • FAVS
    marhinelandBareChestyTheCrumbDiary007Rex_IncBrytanHCareEg33thereverendcinkJack_Wagon1
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    PsstCaptainJen_Up_____TheCrumbDiary007Rex_IncMissvalCaCallMeDraper3myk5clownhole
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    Ok, guys serious tweet here: RIP to the box of fruit roll ups I just opened and murdered with my face.

    • 608
    • FAVS
    marhinelandTw1tter_K1ttenBareChestymichaelm_ooreJen_Up_____TheCrumbDiary007Rex_IncBrytanH
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    PsstCaptainBareChestyTheCrumbDiary007Rex_IncyollmsTmoney68aShiverOfSharks__lightfromlight
    BlairLoudlyjess_stratton
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    As an adult, I'm most afraid when my children's toys randomly make noise and nobody is in their rooms....

    • 565
    • FAVS
    scootiekkSternoShotsmarhinelandBareChestyBrytanHTINY_TOESIES______dpazthereverendcink
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    scootiekkSternoShotsMissvalCaMadManAzJukeJointJesseclownholeRag_Doll_Sally____evilgooglerep
    jergarl______Brianhopecomedydonjuantip
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    I would never attend a tweetup. I know from your tweets that like 98% of you would be hiding in the shadows touching yourselves.

    • 536
    • FAVS
    BrytanHthereverendcinkHeyRachek8ieokayTotallyUnfunnyICountBeanssJack_Wagon1MissvalCa
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    TotallyUnfunnyhisredjuneAdam143myk5clownholepupbroofdogRL631DebraMuffin
  • Discourt
      Courtney Christine @Discourt

    My son is seriously such a sweet heart. He's going to make a great husband some day when he's 30 and I let him start dating.

    • 487
    • FAVS
    marhinelandBrytanHTINY_TOESIES______Jack_Wagon1MixailovichMissvalCaThorish__________DarkMollie
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    BrytanHMissvalCaclownholeRag_Doll_Sally____Bakerman516divadeb99WilleyBrianLoveNLunchmeat
    lakeanagirlispypanda
@Discourt

@Discourt

If the devil called, I’d probably “yeah” him to death without paying attention and accidentally sell my soul for something stupid like soup.