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  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    Did you know you can add "boom" to the end of any sentence and it's immediately awesome and you're amazing? Boom.

    • 1,806
    • FAVS
    BoredButPerkyshatterediamondBasicThunderJojo_51213BraniaMedicina____BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______CareEg33
    • 796
    • RETWEETS
    BoredButPerkyBasicThunderJojo_5121301BizzlesBae94BraniaMedicina____aShiverOfSharksPhoenixRises69moseletsane
    joeljeffreythetobbie5haelhidingfrommeCleverLinguistSchmoodles________RyenInTheMoineslancevarnadoNotJustJack______SteelFontanaCoastiefish
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    I am woman. Hear me talk. And talk. And talk. And talk.

    • 1,523
    • FAVS
    Gekko2010Jojo_51213BraniaMedicina____TINY_TOESIES______erinmarinkWendyKitcheneriNickuPhoenixRises69
    • 864
    • RETWEETS
    BoredButPerkyJojo_5121301BizzlesBae94BraniaMedicina____WendyKitchenerkawoswagPhoenixRises69TotallyUnfunny
    NaturalBornGriz__edheenan__________C_J_Commode______jrogasmGHCanada__________crayan9DukeOfOyl________shatty48
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    I'm not wearing underwear in church. And I'm tweeting. I'm tweeting about not wearing underwear in church. Holy shit. It's like I SEE hell.

    • 1,604
    • FAVS
    Jojo_51213BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______PhoenixRises69thereverendcinkAwfulAfflictionVividJamerHeyRache
    • 570
    • RETWEETS
    HeyRacheTotallyUnfunnycastabignetTomServo18MissvalCaDefinitiveDavidginzyj1983________CaseOfTheCaseys__
    cynicuhlsee_more13One_FineMessTinkerbell_Reverend_ScottabstracteMaui_Speaks______farleftcoastSteelFontanaCoastiefishSupportPets_
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    I hate when I have sex and then I accidentally have three kids and then I can't hear anything because EVERYONE IS FUCKING YELLING!

    • 1,075
    • FAVS
    Jojo_51213BrytanHklevine617DeronH____________CareEg33PhoenixRises69thereverendcinkTotallyUnfunny
    • 508
    • RETWEETS
    CareEg33TotallyUnfunnyTomServo18MissvalCaDefinitiveDavidginzyj1983________Browneyed_mamaLamplified
    SteelFontanaTweetingDadGuyfortuitouslifeEFFFFFFYOU________
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.

    • 1,140
    • FAVS
    Jojo_51213BrytanHPhoenixRises69dpazthereverendcinkdosesofneurosis__TotallyUnfunnyJack_Wagon1
    • 358
    • RETWEETS
    TotallyUnfunnyBlaineBruceginzyj1983________rachieswanSherBoBerSwaughnWindPushedGrasssmartypeach
    JoshuaHvrGroperClevelandprontopupcynicuhledheenan__________
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    My evolution of twitter has been "Oh you have to get a twitter and follow me!" to completely avoiding eye contact when someone mentions it.

    • 903
    • FAVS
    Jojo_51213BraniaMedicina____BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______PhoenixRises69dpazMisterDiablo1thereverendcink
    • 370
    • RETWEETS
    01BizzlesBae94BraniaMedicina____TINY_TOESIES______ArianaLewinskyTmoney68TotallyUnfunnylisaandtotskatspaks
    ChazballparkLeggaliciousKKAlThanijrogasmNotJustJack______wheatnik
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    I get tons of stars!!!


    From the same, like, 13 people.



    But still. Lots.

    • 924
    • FAVS
    Jojo_51213BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______PhoenixRises69dpazthereverendcinkTotallyUnfunnyJack_Wagon1
    • 188
    • RETWEETS
    DefinitiveDavidginzyj1983________SteveOHellNoHalbeerzSherBoBertheawkwardful3myk5djskill3t
    LegionsMindBelvAndBourbthedayofthedotfastmofobanshee
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    I'm still not sure where we stand, Pluto is or is not considered a real dog?

    • 753
    • FAVS
    Jojo_51213BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______Last_Re_TortBareChestyPhoenixRises69dpazthereverendcink
    • 324
    • RETWEETS
    NoNotAlexPhoenixRises69dpazTotallyUnfunnyginzyj1983________TeejayRushtheawkwardful3myk5
    galiamango________AristotlesNZ__nerdamage
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    Facebook: where we complain.

    Google+: where we go to be alone.

    Twitter: where we go to be inappropriately amazing.

    • 718
    • FAVS
    BoredButPerkyRusttyIsMyNamesarcasticmommy4ScottKcco77BYGHLisaMcAlister1Jojo_51213BrytanH
    • 305
    • RETWEETS
    Jojo_51213sonikhan1993beg_danisharnav_gargkaatilanacbahorizejrLiaf0173luzdialipio
    Try_Aand_Cilife_suckerClubNette
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    If you don’t mumble “fuck off” to your children under your breath for the first two hours every morning, then tell me your secrets, wizard.

    • 654
    • FAVS
    Jojo_51213BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______PhoenixRises69dpazthereverendcinkJack_Wagon1perduem2003
    • 254
    • RETWEETS
    TINY_TOESIES______ettah17DefinitiveDavidSherBoBerDarkMollietamluv33PsychoAmericanMrob82
    Jenny4ashleyradtoria__________Walmartin2011
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    RT'ing without starring is like saying "here look at this, I don't like it but fuck it, maybe you will."

    • 681
    • FAVS
    Jojo_51213BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______PhoenixRises69thereverendcinkTotallyUnfunnyJack_Wagon1MissvalCa
    • 195
    • RETWEETS
    DefinitiveDavidDarkMollie3myk5clownholeLostFrameOfMindslopoke1000evilgooglerepBuds_Stuff
    edheenan__________KaeWhy270DanTheSnickconfusedlush______
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    I just pushed a beautiful baby girl out of my vagina. Nice try, girls complaining about their periods.

    • 744
    • FAVS
    BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______PhoenixRises69thereverendcinkJack_Wagon1MissvalCaKylePowersMusicoriginal_hoopla
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    BrytanHplease_Sir_DefinitiveDavid3myk5slopoke1000aaronupPaperWashMr_Kapowski
    erica_rosiejrogasmIGotsSmartsSexxxiMommmy______NaturalBornGriz__9to5LifeSl_Inky__________scotthellrisingOneLinersPlus
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING.

    • 489
    • FAVS
    BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______PhoenixRises69dpazdosesofneurosis__TotallyUnfunnyJack_Wagon1MissvalCa
    • 380
    • RETWEETS
    TotallyUnfunnyHypercraxyThorishDarkMollie3myk5AhmedNousseiramy_lonedjskill3t
    gorillagunt______
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    Ok teeny, tiny, shitty little smart car, one day I'm not gonna stop when I rip into that parking spot thinking it's empty. Shifty bastard.

    • 636
    • FAVS
    BrytanHCareEg33PhoenixRises69thereverendcinkTotallyUnfunnyJack_Wagon1TomServo18MissvalCa
    • 107
    • RETWEETS
    BrytanHTomServo18MissvalCarain4026_ameskathymvaccaromshannahjonessykomom123WindPushedGrass
    1800RandySteelFontana
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    The RT button. Because sometimes other people just say it perfectly.

    • 454
    • FAVS
    BrytanHCareEg33PhoenixRises69TotallyUnfunnymisterbrymoJack_Wagon1Robin_Almighty____mrgsea
    • 277
    • RETWEETS
    mrgseaTomServo18MrRottenFacebrookeivyiLikeCatShirtsMissvalCaettah17DefinitiveDavid
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    Hey, people without kids, I have a message for you when you wake up in like 5 hours, "fuck you."


    That is all.

    • 589
    • FAVS
    BrytanHCareEg33thereverendcinkJack_Wagon1MissvalCaDefinitiveDavidThorishLamplified
    • 118
    • RETWEETS
    MissvalCaDefinitiveDavid3myk5clownholeRag_Doll_SallyaaronupfrzfrydThat_Biz
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    Ok, guys serious tweet here: RIP to the box of fruit roll ups I just opened and murdered with my face.

    • 601
    • FAVS
    BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______thereverendcinkHumor_Fetishfrankj572paulywogJack_Wagon1MissvalCa
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    yollmsTmoney68aShiverOfSharkslightfromlightevilgooglerepaaronupSchgot89HallJ0410
    BlairLoudlyjess_stratton
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    As an adult, I'm most afraid when my children's toys randomly make noise and nobody is in their rooms....

    • 561
    • FAVS
    BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______dpazthereverendcinkICountBeanssJack_Wagon1MissvalCaThorish
    • 127
    • RETWEETS
    MissvalCaMadManAzJukeJointJesseclownholeRag_Doll_SallyevilgooglerepHallJ0410Mr_Kapowski
    jergarlBrianhopecomedydonjuantip
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    I would never attend a tweetup. I know from your tweets that like 98% of you would be hiding in the shadows touching yourselves.

    • 536
    • FAVS
    BrytanHthereverendcinkHeyRachek8ieokayTotallyUnfunnyICountBeanssJack_Wagon1MissvalCa
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    TotallyUnfunnyhisredjuneAdam143myk5clownholepupbroofdogRL631DebraMuffin
  • Discourt
      Courtney @Discourt

    My son is seriously such a sweet heart. He's going to make a great husband some day when he's 30 and I let him start dating.

    • 486
    • FAVS
    BrytanHTINY_TOESIES______Jack_Wagon1MixailovichMissvalCaThorishDarkMollieAdam14
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    BrytanHMissvalCaclownholeRag_Doll_SallyBakerman516divadeb99WilleyBrianLoveNLunchmeat
    lakeanagirlispypanda
@Discourt

@Discourt

If the devil called, I’d probably “yeah” him to death without paying attention and accidentally sell my soul for something stupid like soup.