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  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Did you know you can add "boom" to the end of any sentence and it's immediately awesome and you're amazing? Boom.

    • 1,881
    • FAVS
    hrlksTheseSmallWordsDarkTallBastardParentNormalDiveInsideMindsBombay_MartiniGRYZELAPORTILLOSaveItForFest
    • 849
    • RETWEETS
    hrlksDarkTallBastardAndLive2LoveBombay_MartiniSaveItForFestakayschneidershayyzilla_thebadjenn
    joeljeffreythetobbie5haelhidingfromme__CleverLinguistDavidOzmundRyenInTheMoineslancevarnadoNotJustJack______SteelFontanaCoastiefish
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I am woman. Hear me talk. And talk. And talk. And talk.

    • 1,577
    • FAVS
    sonofdicksonhrlksTheseSmallWordsDarkTallBastardSDPlissken1AndLive2LoveParentNormalIm_Not_Adopted
    • 893
    • RETWEETS
    hrlksDarkTallBastardGeoff55RthenickideeCammille26nancyhoffnerDannilynnAPowKaPowBoom
    NaturalBornGriz__edheenan__________C_J_Commode______jrogasm__________GHCanada__________crayan9DukeOfOyl________shatty48
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I'm not wearing underwear in church. And I'm tweeting. I'm tweeting about not wearing underwear in church. Holy shit. It's like I SEE hell.

    • 1,683
    • FAVS
    BrySwtheyoulaurahrlksDarkTallBastardParentNormal_ohlittleonechrysalism_hilaryfairie
    • 602
    • RETWEETS
    Jamesb1961heyoulaurahrlksDarkTallBastardOzjohn55TheNordicHammerAnitaHelmetBadMikeyBad
    cynicuhlsee_more13One_FineMessTinkerbell_Reverend_ScottabstracteMaui_SpeaksfarleftcoastSteelFontanaCoastiefishSupportPets_
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I hate when I have sex and then I accidentally have three kids and then I can't hear anything because EVERYONE IS FUCKING YELLING!

    • 1,123
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsDarkTallBastardTangltweetsg00phyNotOwenMeanyjen__c_Poi_Zen_Iveyblewsyboy
    • 530
    • RETWEETS
    DarkTallBastardTurboJellyBeantrainwreckkttElChavaletoLackOfShamethenickideeElleAys__buriedwithkids
    SteelFontanaTweetingDadGuyfortuitouslifeEFFFFFFYOU________
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.

    • 1,186
    • FAVS
    yerbasuenaNickrplzBrittanyHannoSammilovieKellySi24841815missusKCdepravedmermaidBookisherBunny
    • 383
    • RETWEETS
    vee_katMr_KapowskiBookisherBunnylauracarlson23murrayvetsteinhonestlysaradancefeverbarbi0463AS0369
    JoshuaHvrGroperClevelandprontopupcynicuhledheenan__________
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    My evolution of twitter has been "Oh you have to get a twitter and follow me!" to completely avoiding eye contact when someone mentions it.

    • 930
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsParentNormalonume_NotOwenMeanyISOremarkableoccipital1__daniel_shawjordan_stratton
    • 385
    • RETWEETS
    TheseSmallWordsoccipital1__goinginawkwardjordan_strattonOutOnTheMoorsGaurav_se57buckweiser13Hanmaboogie
    ChazballparkLeggaliciousKKAlThanijrogasm__________NotJustJack______wheatnik__
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I get tons of stars!!!


    From the same, like, 13 people.



    But still. Lots.

    • 966
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsTangltweetsGoldenSpiralssokyshipnTheWeedFathersalamingiakarinemaslowBrienMambo
    • 205
    • RETWEETS
    TheseSmallWordsTurboJellyBeansalamingiabrain_omenDiiamondlustOnlyFastEddiekrishna_vanHannahLTay
    SinLegionBelvAndBourbthedayofthedotfastmofobanshee
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I'm still not sure where we stand, Pluto is or is not considered a real dog?

    • 785
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsParentNormalkrishna_vandirtydishtowelsTheCiscoKiddermomestySporkFiendmblazoned
    • 341
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanSporkFiendmblazonedElleAys__OutOnTheMoorsNouhaila_ElbHurricane_TimmyiLikeCatShirts
    galiamangoAristotlesNZ__nerdamage
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Facebook: where we complain.

    Google+: where we go to be alone.

    Twitter: where we go to be inappropriately amazing.

    • 738
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsParentNormalcourtneycolsthenickideedirtydishtowelsElleAys__buriedwithkidsdaniel_shaw
    • 312
    • RETWEETS
    thenickideeRealistGingeroneeyedhero______SavageAphroditeMs_Gainsbourg____BareChesty007Rex_IncJojo_51213
    Try_Aand_Cilife_suckerClubNette
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    If you don’t mumble “fuck off” to your children under your breath for the first two hours every morning, then tell me your secrets, wizard.

    • 691
    • FAVS
    richardpeachyOtisPdQlycanthropy2001GrubersaucehrlksTheseSmallWordsParentNormalchullymorton
    • 266
    • RETWEETS
    eTHEgoddessBoquiSuciahrlksElleAys__buriedwithkidsjinkeeOutOnTheMoorsBareChesty
    thenoahkinseyJenny4ashleyradtoria__________Walmartin2011
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    RT'ing without starring is like saying "here look at this, I don't like it but fuck it, maybe you will."

    • 703
    • FAVS
    hrlksTheseSmallWordsParentNormalchantelle_gmdonion_ringPalmerStanfieldmatt___nelsonRunwayDan
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    hrlksTheseSmallWordscoooolemanmatt___nelsonRunwayDanKingOfInnuendodirtydishtowelsElleAys__
    edheenan__________KaeWhy270DanTheSnick__confusedlush______
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING.

    • 509
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsElleAys__emmrankda_fluffy_oneHotwings26Drun_KenmansecondofhernameHasn095
    • 387
    • RETWEETS
    Sharmaine_Ziadel239truckskidaniel_shawJen_Up_____SociaBallistic007Rex_IncTotallyUnfunny
    gorillagunt______
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I just pushed a beautiful baby girl out of my vagina. Nice try, girls complaining about their periods.

    • 756
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsJandalizeElleAys__buriedwithkidsdaniel_shawjon_aleyOutsideMetroiwearaonesie
    • 131
    • RETWEETS
    BareChesty007Rex_IncBrytanHplease_Sir_CallMeDraper3myk5slopoke1000aaronup
    erica_rosiejrogasm__________IGotsSmartsSexxxiMommmy______NaturalBornGriz__9to5LifeSl_Inky__________scotthellrisingOneLinersPlus__
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    The RT button. Because sometimes other people just say it perfectly.

    • 476
    • FAVS
    thenickideeemery_kayemcibtyStupidSophia___g00phykrishna_vanSporkFiendoutsmartedmommy
    • 293
    • RETWEETS
    thenickideemdpakrattLOVE_russelChrisfromHBSAkrishna_vanSporkFiendburiedwithkidsElleAys__
    krishna_van
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Ok teeny, tiny, shitty little smart car, one day I'm not gonna stop when I rip into that parking spot thinking it's empty. Shifty bastard.

    • 647
    • FAVS
    thatcarlygirlElleAys__daniel_shawOutsideMetrobaseballchickieYardboyiwearaonesiemarhineland
    • 112
    • RETWEETS
    OverRitziwearaonesieBareChestyPsstCaptain007Rex_IncBrytanHTomServo18MissvalCa
    1800RandySteelFontana
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Hey, people without kids, I have a message for you when you wake up in like 5 hours, "fuck you."


    That is all.

    • 599
    • FAVS
    NotOwenMeanyJandalizeAdelitasBarbieElleAys__daniel_shawAngrEdmontonianmarhinelandBareChesty
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    ElleAys__PsstCaptainJen_Up_____SociaBallistic007Rex_IncMissvalCaCallMeDraper3myk5
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Ok, guys serious tweet here: RIP to the box of fruit roll ups I just opened and murdered with my face.

    • 615
    • FAVS
    Criggerificjordan_strattonValeeGrrlhrlksElleAys__daniel_shawiwearaonesiemarhineland
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    CriggerificValeeGrrlhrlksPsstCaptainBareChestySociaBallistic007Rex_Incyollms
    BlairLoudlyjess_stratton
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    As an adult, I'm most afraid when my children's toys randomly make noise and nobody is in their rooms....

    • 571
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsthenickideeElleAys__daniel_shawOutsideMetroAngrEdmontonianscootiekkSternoShots
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    scootiekkSternoShotsMissvalCaMadManAzJukeJointJesse__clownholeRag_Doll_Sally____evilgooglerep
    jergarlBrianhopecomedydonjuantip
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I would never attend a tweetup. I know from your tweets that like 98% of you would be hiding in the shadows touching yourselves.

    • 541
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsElleAys__daniel_shawOutsideMetroiwearaonesieBrytanHthereverendcinkHeyRache__
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    TotallyUnfunnyhisredjuneAdam143myk5clownholepupbroofdogRL631DebraMuffin
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    My son is seriously such a sweet heart. He's going to make a great husband some day when he's 30 and I let him start dating.

    • 493
    • FAVS
    TheseSmallWordsNotOwenMeanyElleAys__daniel_shawjon_aleyOutsideMetromarhinelandBrytanH
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    OutsideMetroBrytanHMissvalCaclownholeRag_Doll_Sally____Bakerman516divadeb99WilleyBrian
    lakeanagirlispypanda
@Discourt

@Discourt

I hate when I have sex and then I accidentally have three kids and then I can't hear anything because EVERYONE IS FUCKING YELLING!

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