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  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Gift @Discourt Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 1,885
    • LIKES
    locherresmilely_galdougbiesGo2SlphrlksTheseSmallWordsDarkTallBastardParentNormal
    • 849
    • RETWEETS
    hrlksDarkTallBastardAndLive2LoveBombay_MartiniSaveItForFestakayschneidershayyzilla_thebadjenn
    PsychographEdjoeljeffreythetobbie5haelhidingfromme__CleverLinguistShcmoodles__RyenInTheMoineslancevarnadoNotJustJack______SteelFontana__Coastiefish
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I'm not wearing underwear in church. And I'm tweeting. I'm tweeting about not wearing underwear in church. Holy shit. It's like I SEE hell.

    • 1,686
    • LIKES
    Rad_shackSuperJuandererMardigroanmysteryteacherBrySwtheyoulaurahrlksDarkTallBastard
    • 604
    • RETWEETS
    SuperJuanderermysteryteacherJamesb1961heyoulaurahrlksDarkTallBastardOzjohn55TheNordicHammer
    cynicuhlsee_more13One_FineMessTinksEyeViewReverend_ScottabstracteMaui_SpeaksfarleftcoastSteelFontana__CoastiefishSupportPets_
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I am woman. Hear me talk. And talk. And talk. And talk.

    • 1,580
    • LIKES
    hunz74MardigroanGo2SlpmysteryteachersonofdicksonhrlksTheseSmallWordsDarkTallBastard
    • 894
    • RETWEETS
    hunz74hrlksDarkTallBastardGeoff55RthenickideeCammille26YaNanousDannilynnA__
    NaturalBornGriz__edheenan__________C_J_Commode______jrogasm__________GHCanada__________crayan9DukeOfOyl________shatty48
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.

    • 1,190
    • LIKES
    F_ScottTaftSummerCandyEyeshunz74MardigroanmysteryteacheryerbasuenaNickrplzBrittanyHanno
    • 386
    • RETWEETS
    SummerCandyEyeshunz74Mardigroanvee_katMr_KapowskiBookishBunnylauracarlson23murrayvetstein
    JoshuaHvrGroperClevelandprontopup__cynicuhledheenan__________
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I hate when I have sex and then I accidentally have three kids and then I can't hear anything because EVERYONE IS FUCKING YELLING!

    • 1,150
    • LIKES
    logicalandsmart4ScoreN20BowlsPoxymoron_TaylorSwiftVagMolotovJohnnynotthat_1sneezy20340967TheScienceBro
    • 545
    • RETWEETS
    KimWyles114ScoreN20BowlsMolotovJohnnyschotsvrouwkuttiTigerGamerwithnoGameThisIsUECBetsyHennesseyy
    SteelFontana__TweetingDadGuy__fortuitouslifeEFFFFFFYOU________
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I get tons of stars!!!


    From the same, like, 13 people.



    But still. Lots.

    • 966
    • LIKES
    mysteryteacherTheseSmallWordsTangltweetsGoldenSpiralssokyshipnTheWeedFathersalamingiakarinemaslow
    • 205
    • RETWEETS
    TheseSmallWordsTurboJellyBeansalamingiabrain_omenBetsyHennesseyyOnlyFastEddiekrishna_vanHannahLTay
    SinLegionBelvAndBourbthedayofthedotfastmofobanshee
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    My evolution of twitter has been "Oh you have to get a twitter and follow me!" to completely avoiding eye contact when someone mentions it.

    • 931
    • LIKES
    MissMalbecmysteryteacherTheseSmallWordsParentNormalonume_NotOwenMeanyISOremarkableoccipital1__
    • 386
    • RETWEETS
    mysteryteacherTheseSmallWordsoccipital1__goinginawkward__jordan_strattonOutOnTheMoorsGaurav_se57buckweiser13
    ChazballparkLeggaliciousKKAlThanijrogasm__________NotJustJack______wheatnik__
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    If you don’t mumble “fuck off” to your children under your breath for the first two hours every morning, then tell me your secrets, wizard.

    • 790
    • LIKES
    charlottelollytbojesusdriscool22HilaryVerversTripleMinoritycarp68thefosterer_freebird99_
    • 325
    • RETWEETS
    TripleMinority_freebird99_Thrill_Tweeterhunz74mtada71AngieKanterLindsayGLindsayCAricHanley
    thenoahkinseyJenny4ashleyradtoria__________Walmartin2011
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I'm still not sure where we stand, Pluto is or is not considered a real dog?

    • 785
    • LIKES
    mysteryteacherTheseSmallWordsParentNormalkrishna_vandirtydishtowelsTheCiscoKiddermomestySporkFiend
    • 342
    • RETWEETS
    iwearaonesiekrishna_vanSporkFiendmblazonedElleAys__OutOnTheMoorsNouhaila_ElbHurricane_Timmy
    galiamangoerased_250968215nerdamage
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I just pushed a beautiful baby girl out of my vagina. Nice try, girls complaining about their periods.

    • 755
    • LIKES
    TheseSmallWordsJandalizeElleAys__buriedwithkidsdaniel_shawjon_aleyOutsideMetroiwearaonesie
    • 131
    • RETWEETS
    BareChesty007Rex_IncBrytanHplease_Sir___CallMeDraper3myk5__slopoke1000aaronup
    erica_rosiejrogasm__________IGotsSmartsSexxxiMommmy______NaturalBornGriz__9to5LifeSl_Inky__________scotthellrisingOneLinersPlus__
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Facebook: where we complain.

    Google+: where we go to be alone.

    Twitter: where we go to be inappropriately amazing.

    • 741
    • LIKES
    ELAtchr4everlesliecookmswLinguisticShit__mysteryteacherTheseSmallWordsParentNormalcourtneycolsthenickidee
    • 313
    • RETWEETS
    mysteryteacherthenickideeRealistGingeroneeyedhero______SavageAphroditeMs_Gainsbourg____BareChesty007Rex_Inc
    Try_Aand_Cilife_suckerClubNette
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    RT'ing without starring is like saying "here look at this, I don't like it but fuck it, maybe you will."

    • 702
    • LIKES
    hrlksTheseSmallWordsParentNormalchantelle_gmdonion_ringPalmerStanfieldmatt___nelsonRunwayDan
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    hrlksTheseSmallWordscoooolemanmatt___nelsonRunwayDan1halfof2dirtydishtowelsElleAys__
    edheenan__________KaeWhy270DanTheSnick__confusedlush______
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Ok teeny, tiny, shitty little smart car, one day I'm not gonna stop when I rip into that parking spot thinking it's empty. Shifty bastard.

    • 651
    • LIKES
    maybe2xtheryantist1tmtaylor77iGreenMonkJonathanHanse16thatcarlygirlElleAys__daniel_shaw
    • 113
    • RETWEETS
    iGreenMonkOverRitziwearaonesieBareChestyPsstCaptain007Rex_IncBrytanHTomServo18
    1800RandySteelFontana__
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Ok, guys serious tweet here: RIP to the box of fruit roll ups I just opened and murdered with my face.

    • 614
    • LIKES
    Criggerificjordan_strattonValeeGrrlhrlksElleAys__daniel_shawiwearaonesiemarhineland
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    CriggerificValeeGrrlhrlksPsstCaptainBareChestySociaBallistic007Rex_Incyollms__
    BlairLoudlyjess_stratton
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    Hey, people without kids, I have a message for you when you wake up in like 5 hours, "fuck you."


    That is all.

    • 599
    • LIKES
    iwearaonesieNotOwenMeanyJandalizeAdelitasBarbieElleAys__daniel_shawAngrEdmontonian__marhineland
    • 123
    • RETWEETS
    ElleAys__PsstCaptainJen_Up_____SociaBallistic007Rex_IncMissvalCaCallMeDraper3myk5__
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    As an adult, I'm most afraid when my children's toys randomly make noise and nobody is in their rooms....

    • 571
    • LIKES
    iwearaonesieTheseSmallWordsthenickideeElleAys__daniel_shawOutsideMetroAngrEdmontonian__scootiekk
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    scootiekkSternoShotsMissvalCaMadManAzJukeJointJesse__clownholeRag_Doll_Sally____evilgooglerep
    jergarlBrianhopecomedydonjuantip
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    I would never attend a tweetup. I know from your tweets that like 98% of you would be hiding in the shadows touching yourselves.

    • 540
    • LIKES
    TheseSmallWordsElleAys__daniel_shawOutsideMetroiwearaonesieBrytanHthereverendcinkHeyRache__
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    TotallyUnfunnyhisredjuneAdam143myk5__clownholepupbroofdogunfunnyrichDebraMuffin
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING.

    • 512
    • LIKES
    ImajicAnnemorgueshmorgueednitionCPSX10TheseSmallWordsElleAys__emmrankda_fluffy_one
    • 389
    • RETWEETS
    ednitionfavstar_historySharmaine_Ziadel239truckskidaniel_shawJen_Up_____SociaBallistic
    gorillagunt______
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    My son is seriously such a sweet heart. He's going to make a great husband some day when he's 30 and I let him start dating.

    • 493
    • LIKES
    iwearaonesieTheseSmallWordsNotOwenMeanyElleAys__daniel_shawjon_aleyOutsideMetromarhineland
    • 100
    • RETWEETS
    OutsideMetroBrytanHMissvalCaclownholeRag_Doll_Sally____Bakerman516divadeb99WilleyBrian
    lakeanagirlispypanda__
  • Discourt
      Court @Discourt

    The RT button. Because sometimes other people just say it perfectly.

    • 475
    • LIKES
    thenickideeemery_kayemcibtyStupidSophia___g00phykrishna_vanSporkFiendoutsmartedmommy
    • 293
    • RETWEETS
    thenickideemdpakrattLOVE_russelChrisfrom3TFMkrishna_vanSporkFiendburiedwithkidsElleAys__
    krishna_van
@Discourt

@Discourt

I hate when I have sex and then I accidentally have three kids and then I can't hear anything because EVERYONE IS FUCKING YELLING!!

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