"This time, the cat killed curiosity." - James Bond after brutally smothering a villain named Dr. Curiosity with a cat.

I'm wearing a bandana, I have a bandana neck tattoo and my ringtone is the sound of a bandana unfurling—do you really want to mess with me?

"One size kills all." - James Bond after firing a t-shirt cannon into a bad guy.

"I vant to leap through time!" - Count Bakula

If you see a box marked "Jamiroquai CDs" lying in the street, DON'T OPEN IT! There are really Jamiroquai CDs inside!!!

Keep this behavior up Donald Trump and we'll cut your cameo out of all future editions of Home Alone 2.

Uh, of course I care about a new Star Wars movie, I know and love all those old characters: Robot Joe, Chewbert, Vesty McCool. Huge fan.

Last scene of Prometheus: an alien clinging to escape pod looks at camera and winks as Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock n' Roll" starts playing.

SPOILER ALERT: The Dark Knight Rises ends with a slow zoom in on Batman's grave before his hand bursts out and Batdance starts playing.

I hope the last ever Family Circus comic simply consists of Jeffy staring out the window at a mushroom cloud off in the distance in silence.

I couldn't afford Beats by Dre headphones so I had to get the cheaper rapper-endorsed knockoffs Grooves by Snow.

If you say "Geocities" three times in a mirror, an animated GIF of the dancing baby from Ally McBeal shows up and kills you.

The war between those who say "haha" and those who say "lol" is coming and there will be no mercy until the streets run red with blood.

"Siri, what's the difference between Dylan McDermott and Dermot Mulroney?" *iPhone explodes*

Can we ever be truly sure the people we know aren't just six cats standing on top of each other in a trench coat wearing a human mask?

After months of intense contemplation, I've finally decided I'm going to take the plunge and start referring to Third Eye Blind as 3EB.

We all know who the Avengers *should* be: Billy Zane as The Phantom, Alec Baldwin as The Shadow, Val Kilmer as The Saint and Shaq as Steel.

If dolphins are so smart, how come they've never released a concept album about the dangers of conformity?

Oh great, I got soy sauce on my adventuring tunic.

"According to our rules, the new pope will be...Ralph?!" *cut to John Goodman in a Bears jersey wearing papal hat* Pope Ralph. Coming 2014.