Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Whats six inches long and wont get sucked on this valentines day?
Whitney Houston's Crackpipe
Who else would like to see Cee Lo Green on a giant hamster wheel ?
Everytime I hear someone yell "Stop" I get the urge to yell "Hammertime"!!
The cops just knocked on my door and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes......my dogs don't even own bikes.
When I see a 300lb 10 year old girl eating chicken wings with a Ke$ha t-shirt I question society's intentions.
I'm lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.
I know I'm going to die young because I've wasted a lot of lung capacity blowing on Nintendo cartridges.
If you haven't watched Marley & Me the dog dies at the end.
I think Jesus would look dope in a Adidas tracksuit.
Explaining to my daughter the importance of valuing how lucky she is key. Sweetie back in my day you couldn't save your game.
Sometimes on my TV dinner I purposely push some corn into the brownie.
I'm stronger than a piece of corn through a digestive track.
Your not drunk until you do the running man.
"Awe Snooki your baby's kicking"!
"No she fist pumping silly!! Time to take a shot"!!
Sometimes to be gangsta I hold my stapler sideways.
If 30's the new twenty does that mean I can sleep with 17 year olds?
Recycled tweets do nothing for the environment.
I use twitter because the cost of candy and gas for my van have skyrocketed.
I talk to my dog like he's Brian from Family Guy.
It would be awesome to load up Jim Carey on 5 hits of acid and set him loose in a rubber factory.
Proving gingers have souls one tweet at a time!I slay Zombies with @Candy_grrl