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The exact moment you start feeling drunk is when country songs start sounding good
My doctor told me to have a glass of red wine after a hot bath but I couldn't even finish the bath water.
Hindsight being 20/20 following behind my girlfriend a few paces makes me look like a rapist
If you're white and put cray or SMH in any tweet or status update, I prolly want to kick you in the fucking face.
I tried watching that new Michael J Fox show but it's shaky at best
No thanks Christian mingle. Like I need help finding more women who won't fucking sleep with me.
I am "listening to nirvana" old but nowhere near "JFK assassination" old
love how black people type smh when you know damn well theyre sittin in front of the screen all "yáll niggas trippin, crazy ass mufuckers"
If relationships worked like they did on tv, I wouldn't be missing 1800 in abortion fees and still banging chicks without a condom
My chick loves me like my cat does. Usually scoffing from the end of the bed
I TOTALLY GET IT!!! When folks write smfh it means scratching my fucking herpes. What I don't get is why they would tell us all...
Why arent more people talking about jolie's sweater puppies?Did those black kids take her out of our good graces? The blacks ruin EVERYTHING
There may be more than 1 way to skin a cat but when the fucker shits on my bed I can only think of the rusty butter knife method
Just showered and 13 cents fell off my body. I either need to reconsider my personal hygiene or start frequenting more upscale strip clubs.
Any of you dummies ever just search for a single letter on twitter and laugh at all the black comments?
Why can't blind people have normal eyes,I mean they all look like fucking nuts They'd prolly knock it off if they knew how dumb they looked
it would be much easier to sleep if the cat wasn't fellating himself 4 inches from my face
Am I the only 1 that finds it amusing that the lead singer of journey (top 3 cheese bands EVER) is a 4 foot Asian dude...
When I kill my girlfriend, will the insanity plea work cause she was a crazy bitch?
I'm really hoping these breast implants skyrocket me to Twitter elite...