Doctor: You're going to have to stop masturbating.

Patient: Why?

Doctor: So I can examine you.

(Old Jews Telling Jokes) #bbc4

@litterrbox I once went to London without any T Shirts!

@litterrbox Saw Mick Hucknell in a bar once and told him he was a knob and his music was shit. #greatexperience

@davielegend you could resign mentioning you could be swayed by a pay rise. Bosses love that and there's no way it could backfire.

Just dropped a bit of prawn down the ‘in-car corridor of uncertainty’ between seat and console. Can’t find it! Going to sell the car.

@madeupstats No one has actually bought a new biro since 1987. #madeupstaturday

@twoptwips GEORGE LUCAS, first JarJar Binks, now Jodaphone! If you were short I could have lent you a tenner.

@_l_m_c_ they should make December 1st Hitler 'tashe day.

@sonotrode RT @thepoke: Groupie accidentally sleeps with bass player (via FB)  http://po.st/Q9ZUO1 

@paulyhare Audi driver: RT @thepoke: If you only see one inconsiderate driver today... pic.twitter.com/nGeR6Y51 (via @scottfilmcritic)

@davielegend oh dear oh dear oh dear: pic.twitter.com/LBrBVhAO

@thepoke

Sherlock Hummus

#middleclassfilms

@davielegend I will be selling my IPhone 4 very soon. Just waiting for new phone to arrive.

@jcautomatic Happy Fucking Birthday: http://t.co/hiL5b3gx

@thepoke Wow, I wish it was my birthday... http://t.co/yi6XEJ3k

@jcautomatic #middleclassmurders

@twoptwips NORTH KOREA if you don't want all these weirdo rulers, why do you keep voting for them?

@sonotrode you'll appreciate number 4: “@thepoke: 23 legendary album covers in Lego | The Poke: http://t.co/rCoXz1An”

@litterrbox I stole a book on cycling routes from WH Smiths once, I gave it back after we'd got back from the cycling holiday.

@_l_m_c_ they all die at the end (sorry)