@Dolanite's most faved Tweets...
You should just let your Honor Student drive, cause clearly you're an idiot.
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Got a State Farm Auto Accident Kit from my agent it comes with a whistle and a glow stick, you know for emergency raves.
Wow, so Clinton just got two women off at once?
Ladies, can we please all agree to quit having sex with losers? Their expectations have gotten way too high.
Nascar teamed up with Visa? I thought Nascar fans' main currency was cigarettes and their sisters.
Eh, Cheney'll be fine he's over 65 and has Medicare. Also, you can't kill the undead.
Bubonic Plague had almost nothing to do with boobs. #fact.
Do men find it emasculating when women stop for them in the cross walk? That guy sure did. Look, I only yelled nice ass because it was true.
Putting my foot down, or up someones ass. These are the choices for today.
"What's happening?" When did Twitter turn from polite stalker, to the sleaze who seemingly intends to date rape you in his van out back.
This guy was talking about his "Man Cave" and I was like dude I have one too, it's called a vagina no need to be embarrassed about yours.
Standing on the corner waiting for the bus, this hooker costume is really going to pay for itself.
The bathroom cleaners switched from blue toilet cleaner to red, it's festive!

OH GOD I HOPE I'M NOT PISSING BLOOD.
Eating some cheese, and probably a little saran wrap in the dark in the kitchen.
If someone says, I like you it's not personal, it's just business. That's just the gangster way of saying I’m going to fuck you, right?
I sneezed in line to board the plane to Vegas, the woman in front of me turned to stare, but didn't bless me. So I licked her face.
Feeding myself cheese as indicated by the care instructuons I came with.
A slutty homeless chick. That would be a Hoebo right?
Saw a discarded red shoulder pad on a corner in Oakland. You know what that means?! We have a time traveler from the 80's in our midst!
So time for another waxing. I swear that thing grows like a bush!
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