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  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    You should just let your Honor Student drive, cause clearly you're an idiot.

    • 152
    • FAVS
    PBonesbisforpianowillwrite4beerWames_JatersDeconiledreamersawakeMela_Delurkey
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    On the way to an intervention. Hoping it's not mine, cause I need a drink.

    • 140
    • FAVS
    daymonlwarrenWames_JatersapodixisDeconilevajjiefbabystupendulurkeyfekauff
    BDGarp
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Got a State Farm Auto Accident Kit from my agent it comes with a whistle and a glow stick, you know for emergency raves.

    • 120
    • FAVS
    DeconileMela_DefekauffTotalNewsTrackfoodandwhiningvivalacrapdonniBeerhaze
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Ladies, can we please all agree to quit having sex with losers? Their expectations have gotten way too high.

    • 88
    • FAVS
    fuddlemarkapodixisdreamersawakeMela_DemeganshpettitAlias1on1KwazydawgBeerhaze
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Wow, so Clinton just got two women off at once?

    • 88
    • FAVS
    Mela_DeTrainedHedonistderekasaurusDumbassadoriamsaltlaketnylgnQuiteUnwell____marktiscareno
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Nascar teamed up with Visa? I thought Nascar fans' main currency was cigarettes and their sisters.

    • 78
    • FAVS
    Jessabelle2o7DeconileMela_DeTotalNewsTrackmeganshpettitfoodandwhiningderekasaurusDumbassador
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    This woman is wearing beige clam diggers! By clam diggers I do mean her khakis are so tight she'll be digging them out of her clam all day.

    • 77
    • FAVS
    bisforpianofuddlemarkapodixisDeconileMela_Delurkeymeganshpettitfoodandwhining
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Standing on the corner waiting for the bus, this hooker costume is really going to pay for itself.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    RelocatablecatchysentencesAgamemNOMNOMdrewmongeKimpulsesLAMANG4MethmaidSarcasmTutor
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    SisterHuffBDGarp
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Do men find it emasculating when women stop for them in the cross walk? That guy sure did. Look, I only yelled nice ass because it was true.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    dreamersawakeMela_DesonnyjohlengeldepotderekasaurustnylgnShrewdSimianmikekane221
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Eh, Cheney'll be fine he's over 65 and has Medicare. Also, you can't kill the undead.

    • 66
    • FAVS
    Mela_DederekasaurustnylgnL80ohKarenLyneButlerSpooky_JohnsonYUCKYBOTstupendu
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    " IRISH UP MOTHER FUCKERS!" - James Joyce

    • 65
    • FAVS
    apodixisMela_DelastscepticderekasaurusEastsideRJcolleenla40thejohnbloglowrentkicker
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Bubonic Plague had almost nothing to do with boobs. #fact.

    • 65
    • FAVS
    Mela_DesheerluckholmesAlias1on1donnibanalsockSuck_A_Duck__YUCKYBOTpiercedbrat
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    This guy was talking about his "Man Cave" and I was like dude I have one too, it's called a vagina no need to be embarrassed about yours.

    • 64
    • FAVS
    kanyeMela_DeDeluxeIndiandonniderekasaurusninjacentricShrewdSimianmikekane221
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Pretending to paddle an invisable canoe at my desk. It's called work people.

    • 61
    • FAVS
    apodixisMela_DeTotalNewsTrackdonniderekasaurusGirl11ElevenTheUnsayable.snortingmarmots
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Putting my foot down, or up someones ass. These are the choices for today.

    • 61
    • FAVS
    Mela_Dederekasaurusbanalsocksalsero69Suck_A_Duck__YUCKYBOTMODATBeviekins
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    The bathroom cleaners switched from blue toilet cleaner to red, it's festive!

    OH GOD I HOPE I'M NOT PISSING BLOOD.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    apodixisMela_DeTerminalSinglesderekasaurussavillekatzKarenLyneButlerSuck_A_Duck__YUCKYBOT
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    "What's happening?" When did Twitter turn from polite stalker, to the sleaze who seemingly intends to date rape you in his van out back.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    llvvzzMela_DederekasaurusknitterpleaseKarenLyneButlerSpooky_JohnsonSuck_A_Duck__YUCKYBOT
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    If someone says, I like you it's not personal, it's just business. That's just the gangster way of saying I’m going to fuck you, right?

    • 56
    • FAVS
    Mela_DebenmarvinAlias1on1derekasaurusninjacentricDumbassadorFussySaffaKarenLyneButler
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Feeding myself cheese as indicated by the care instructuons I came with.

    • 55
    • FAVS
    Mela_DeKwazydawgderekasaurusninjacentricKuraFiretnylgnknitterpleasebobthecow
  • Dolanite
      Dolanite @Dolanite

    Eating some cheese, and probably a little saran wrap in the dark in the kitchen.

    • 55
    • FAVS
    apodixisMela_Dederekasaurusmikekane221KarenLyneButlertwistedpfister__Spooky_JohnsonSuck_A_Duck__
@Dolanite

@Dolanite

Not That Good... Not That Bad Either.