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  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids

    • 775
    • FAVS
    junejuly12RSF788JonJon_BrownKarenLyneButlerredneckbaby123Di0nysus7________LHaveralesugarboyfly
    • 271
    • RETWEETS
    RSF788LHaveraleTmoney68JennyMcbee79BYEadamstrangeLindaInDisguiseimfixintogoGeoroyo
    MrsMikePattoncholesteroIvaporcoffinjasonlight73ExploringUrMind__CelebrityChezManJuggsBoyCalledAnnskullpuppy11PetrF2____________
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    Hey McDonald's commercials, why can't black and white people eat your food at the same time?

    • 530
    • FAVS
    junejuly12_Ms_Moneypenny_RSF788KarenLyneButlerPaperWashStephenBCrameralmostnandsfunnybeachgirl
    • 203
    • RETWEETS
    RSF788BrianHasJokesJTppManIlliter8__________mcnetsAphroditeAfter5iamshakenbakelarrylawrence64__
    thetobbieDanKCharnleyCpez38DeadManSkipping
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    I would play "words with friends" if it was called "cocaine by myself."

    • 479
    • FAVS
    RSF788KarenLyneButlerStephenBCramerHecklersDelight__AphroditeAfter5ashgrashcynicanoldicusCroweJam
    • 171
    • RETWEETS
    RSF788AphroditeAfter5_sarah_nelson_allforandrea______ded_squirrelSolelyBWineAndWitchesWittyspeak
    LectorCaveo______weinerdog4life
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    Hey ugly girls, stop wearing sexy perfume, you're confusing my genitals.

    • 455
    • FAVS
    RSF788HecklersDelight__FJLcowsmoosheschiMaiaMamacitaChipSlaprowleydigital_TrevorGarrett
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    FJLcowsmooCourtneyLMarinItsTheTREWeissBrandon______SlabBaconBPlaVraeAphroditeAfter5TheBeerGuy73
    RealSudoNimSupersurly
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    A girl and her friend walk into a bar. I fucked the fat one.

    • 388
    • FAVS
    GeoroyoStephenBCramerAngelaEhhVivienneStClairHecklersDelight__rd5225haelThatGirlSloane
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    VivienneStClairThatGirlSloaneliptonteabaggMiikeSkiJorgeAChaconShane_RodenbeckEricBBlazedIlliter8__________
    FredFuxxcirclejokes
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    I call animal control 3 times a week, show them my dog and say,”you can’t even control how cute he is, can you?”

    • 323
    • FAVS
    RSF788RunningCrazy1dirkwiggler99xomelodygervaisayyclay47heyyitsallysonEddieCain217_alexrasmussen
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    RSF788YeahItsRayxomelodygervaisSneakyGrandpa69IsForrestGumpHabbibtiashleynsegoviabadpatrick1
    Kalarlis
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    I find my glasses by walking around until I hear a crunch.

    • 279
    • FAVS
    RSF788StephenBCramerHecklersDelight__GDGAngelk8ieokayAphroditeAfter5ashgrashcynicanoldicus
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    RSF788GDGAngelIlliter8__________AphroditeAfter5larrylawrence64__SolelyBmochanyaFavstar250
    HeyZeus666
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    I like watching porn in slow motion, but don't tell anyone, I'm a closet slowmosexual.

    • 268
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_RSF788HecklersDelight__tylercdaviesBPCoffeehouseMorgan2383Mok8ieokayAphroditeAfter5
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    RSF788Illiter8__________BPCoffeehouseAphroditeAfter5EvilPandaXRandomRanter___netdog713Genghis_Dong
    Xalqeektoab____________
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    This McDonalds sandwich is delicious, and my heart will be thanking me in the future, when it gets to quit working early.

    • 278
    • FAVS
    RSF788ktoabHecklersDelight__jsmlynch__________GentlemanP1ratek8ieokayHysteriaBarbieAphroditeAfter5
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    HecklersDelight__Illiter8__________AphroditeAfter5cynicanoldicusTastyTuneTweetsHollyMemphisconsprcy_carrotkbojens
    VolcanoWolf______
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    "I love your cock because it's so easy to deep throat" isn't the best compliment I've received.

    • 257
    • FAVS
    RSF788HecklersDelight__USATurbomanJaysmemoirchris1wernerprncss_fifiboxotomycsmith5050
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    JohnathonFierceJaysmemoirchris1wernercsmith5050Illiter8__________sudeepalphonseStairwaytoSe7enAphroditeAfter5
    stacetoned
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    If I managed to get 8 hours of sleep one night, I could probably start moving shit with my mind.

    • 225
    • FAVS
    RSF788GeoroyoHecklersDelight__kindofdeviantSuzzPaigeAphroditeAfter5ashgrashTheBeerGuy73
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    RSF788gigi9211AphroditeAfter5sterlingevanliftyourlifedonyadarkojimandrewsmusictheshemartini
    AndRyanTF________
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    My in-laws invited me to dinner, but I'm already made plans to pass a pinecone through my dick hole tonight, so I can't go.

    • 225
    • FAVS
    RSF788HecklersDelight__tylercdaviesSlabBaconBPmusicaddict75jsmlynch__________AphroditeAfter5cynicanoldicus
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    RSF788Illiter8__________AphroditeAfter5jimandrewsmusicjasonlight73damn_it_EthelHotAmishBitchryanjogden
    Tetley6969Naggalie__________ffejin
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    I saw a guy with two penises last night. They might have been photoshopped, but they definitely tasted real.

    • 201
    • FAVS
    RSF788Georoyocsmith5050captainspaghetichristinawilderjsmlynch__________StayGoldenGurlk8ieokay
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    captainspaghetiIlliter8__________AphroditeAfter5Cpin42JackStainesLectorCaveo______MarcusOreally__jumpdashark
    ashleycremreftran__________
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    I would NEVER fuck a girl in a wheelchair. She would be too hard to hide if my wife came home.

    • 203
    • FAVS
    RSF788Illiter8__________musicaddict75StayGoldenGurlAphroditeAfter5cynicanoldicusTheBeerGuy73maxbarnett000
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________AphroditeAfter5iamshakenbake23_LiesSummerLynne76MelissaJoy33SlabBaconBPhotdawgfangers
    ffejin
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    There's a great big novel in all of us, just waiting to be written. Mine's probably a bible hollowed out with a flask of patron in it.

    • 205
    • FAVS
    RSF788Gr8BamHpHubertAphroditeAfter5cynicanoldicussterlingevanXalqeeTheBeerGuy73
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________Gr8BamHpHubertAphroditeAfter5TheBeerGuy73Sassy_Melonstrumpthechumpbubblegumpopify
    Bry1972
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    Hey babe, I’ve been doin’ some thinking and…let’s just get back together and straight up kill each other this time.

    • 180
    • FAVS
    RSF788HpHuberthowdidodaAphroditeAfter5ashgrashmaxbarnett000mrt1mCpin42
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    RSF788JavorsWinsHpHubertAngelaRN22____howdidodaAphroditeAfter5Sassy_MelonsIlliter8__________
    marebyteshidingfromme__
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    Just one more hour + 25 years until I'm done with work.

    • 183
    • FAVS
    RSF788GeoroyoIamPliskenonedavedeepNostradamAssHat1JoeJoe1BDGarpAphroditeAfter5
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    courtneytanishhcynicanoldicus1JoeJoe1AllieEm120Olanre_emmaAphroditeAfter5sterlingevanHollyMemphis
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    People unfollow me b/c of smelling mistakes, clearly.

    • 191
    • FAVS
    RSF788AllieEm120AphroditeAfter5ashgrashmrt1mCpin42mydmaccholesteroI
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    Olanre_emmaAphroditeAfter5___k_elvinK_Aliyechizicareenelbablli_wangweWizardOfRonkaty_baybay
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    I can't tell if my neighbor's music is hip hop or Indy, so I don't know which way to hate them.

    • 188
    • FAVS
    RSF788just_evolvedAllieEm120BDGarpAphroditeAfter5mrt1mmydmaccholesteroI
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    AphroditeAfter5melakfilms2011firstworldwomankevnastojumpdasharkpiplipsruffyoungMS2034
    MyLongBalls
  • DonSchanke
      Bo Nuhr @DonSchanke

    There's pretty much no going back once you've combined Booberry and Frankenberry into the same bowl.

    • 186
    • FAVS
    RSF788Prashant_dv______AllieEm120jsmlynch__________BDGarpAphroditeAfter5ashgrashcynicanoldicus
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________AphroditeAfter5BurroFumaEvilPandaXkevnastoSideBurnySMillanderTmoney68
@DonSchanke

@DonSchanke

i like a lot