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  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    For once I would like to find a babysitter that doesn't get all upset when she gets to my house and realizes I don't have kids

    • 771
    • FAVS
    redneckbaby123Di0nysus7________LHaveralesugarboyflystarrygirl8675msprague183CBechtel66ASpaceBlogyssey
    • 270
    • RETWEETS
    LHaveraleTmoney68JennyMcbee79BYEadamstrangeLindaInDisguiseimfixintogoGeoroyoLusciouslyssa1
    MrsMikePattoncholesteroIvaporcoffinjasonlight73ExploringUrMindCelebrityChezManJuggsBoyCalledAnnskullpuppy11PetrF2____________
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    Hey McDonald's commercials, why can't black and white people eat your food at the same time?

    • 526
    • FAVS
    PaperWashStephenBCrameralmostnandsfunnybeachgirlJT_IV_HecklersDelight__mcnetsAphroditeAfter5
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    BrianHasJokesJT_IV_Illiter8__________mcnetsAphroditeAfter5iamshakenbakelarrylawrence64zanalcarter
    thetobbieDanKCharnleyCpez38DeadManSkipping
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    I would play "words with friends" if it was called "cocaine by myself."

    • 477
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerHecklersDelight__AphroditeAfter5ashgrashcynicanoldicusCroweJamTheBeerGuy73ButtholeTeeth
    • 170
    • RETWEETS
    AphroditeAfter5_sarah_nelson_allforandrea______julzvainSolelyBWineAndWitchesWittyspeakVillainsGuide
    LectorCaveo______weinerdog4life
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    Hey ugly girls, stop wearing sexy perfume, you're confusing my genitals.

    • 454
    • FAVS
    HecklersDelight__FJLcowsmoosheschiMaiaMamacitaChipSlaprowleydigital_TrevorGarrettItsTheTRE
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    FJLcowsmooCourtneyLMarinItsTheTREWeissBrandon______SlabBaconBPlaVraeAphroditeAfter5TheBeerGuy73
    RealSudoNimSupersurly
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    A girl and her friend walk into a bar. I fucked the fat one.

    • 388
    • FAVS
    GeoroyoStephenBCramerAngelaEhhVivienneStClairHecklersDelight__rd5225haelThatGirlSloane
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    VivienneStClairThatGirlSloaneliptonteabaggMiikeSkiJorgeAChaconShane_RodenbeckEricBBlazedIlliter8__________
    FredFuxxcirclejokes
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    I call animal control 3 times a week, show them my dog and say,”you can’t even control how cute he is, can you?”

    • 322
    • FAVS
    Tripletmom00dirkwiggler99xomelodygervaisayyclay47heyyitsallysonEddieCain217_alexrasmussenIsForrestGump
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    YeahItsRayxomelodygervaisSneakyGrandpa69IsForrestGumpHabbibtiashleynsegoviaBadPatrick1lenigs17
    Kalarlis
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    I find my glasses by walking around until I hear a crunch.

    • 278
    • FAVS
    StephenBCramerHecklersDelight__GDGAngelk8ieokayAphroditeAfter5ashgrashcynicanoldicusTheBeerGuy73
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    GDGAngelIlliter8__________AphroditeAfter5larrylawrence64SolelyBmochanyaFavstar250bdeebeat
    HeyZeus666
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    This McDonalds sandwich is delicious, and my heart will be thanking me in the future, when it gets to quit working early.

    • 277
    • FAVS
    ktoabHecklersDelight__jsmlynch__________GentlemanP1ratek8ieokayHysteriaBarbieAphroditeAfter5ashgrash
    • 51
    • RETWEETS
    HecklersDelight__Illiter8__________AphroditeAfter5cynicanoldicusTastyTuneTweetsHollyMemphisconsprcy_carrotkbojens
    VolcanoWolf______
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    I like watching porn in slow motion, but don't tell anyone, I'm a closet slowmosexual.

    • 266
    • FAVS
    HecklersDelight__tylercdaviesBPCoffeehouseMorgan2383Mok8ieokayAphroditeAfter5ashgrashTheBeerGuy73
    • 61
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________BPCoffeehouseAphroditeAfter5EvilPandaXRandomRanter___netdog713Genghis_DongWildeThingy
    Xalqeektoab____________
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    "I love your cock because it's so easy to deep throat" isn't the best compliment I've received.

    • 256
    • FAVS
    HecklersDelight__USATurbomanJaysmemoirchris1wernerprncss_fifiboxotomycsmith5050howdidoda
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    JohnathonFierceJaysmemoirchris1wernercsmith5050Illiter8__________sudeepalphonseStairwaytoSe7enAphroditeAfter5
    stacetoned
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    If I managed to get 8 hours of sleep one night, I could probably start moving shit with my mind.

    • 224
    • FAVS
    GeoroyoHecklersDelight__kindofdeviantSuzzPaigeAphroditeAfter5ashgrashTheBeerGuy73mrt1m
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    gigi9211AphroditeAfter5sterlingevanliftyourlifedonyadarkojimandrewsmusictheshemartiniAYerbey
    AndRyanTF________
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    My in-laws invited me to dinner, but I'm already made plans to pass a pinecone through my dick hole tonight, so I can't go.

    • 224
    • FAVS
    HecklersDelight__tylercdaviesSlabBaconBPmusicaddict75jsmlynch__________AphroditeAfter5cynicanoldicusTheBeerGuy73
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________AphroditeAfter5jimandrewsmusicjasonlight73damn_it_EthelHotAmishBitchryanjogdenxpegasusx________
    Tetley6969Naggalie__________ffejin
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    I saw a guy with two penises last night. They might have been photoshopped, but they definitely tasted real.

    • 200
    • FAVS
    Georoyocsmith5050captainspaghetichristinawilderjsmlynch__________StayGoldenGurlk8ieokayAphroditeAfter5
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    captainspaghetiIlliter8__________AphroditeAfter5Cpin42JackStainesLectorCaveo______MarcusOreallyjumpdashark
    ashleycremreftran__________
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    I would NEVER fuck a girl in a wheelchair. She would be too hard to hide if my wife came home.

    • 202
    • FAVS
    Illiter8__________musicaddict75StayGoldenGurlAphroditeAfter5cynicanoldicusTheBeerGuy73maxbarnett000mrt1m
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________AphroditeAfter5iamshakenbake23_LiesSummerLynne76MelissaJoy33SlabBaconBPhotdawgfangers
    ffejin
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    There's a great big novel in all of us, just waiting to be written. Mine's probably a bible hollowed out with a flask of patron in it.

    • 204
    • FAVS
    Gr8BamHpHubertAphroditeAfter5cynicanoldicussterlingevanXalqeeTheBeerGuy73mrt1m
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________Gr8BamHpHubertAphroditeAfter5TheBeerGuy73SassyMcMelons__trumpthechumpbubblegumpopify
    Bry1972
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    Hey babe, I’ve been doin’ some thinking and…let’s just get back together and straight up kill each other this time.

    • 179
    • FAVS
    HpHuberthowdidodaAphroditeAfter5ashgrashmaxbarnett000mrt1mCpin42mydmac
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    JavorsWinsHpHubertAngelaRN22____howdidodaAphroditeAfter5SassyMcMelons__Illiter8__________firstworldwoman
    marebyteshidingfromme
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    Just one more hour + 25 years until I'm done with work.

    • 182
    • FAVS
    GeoroyoIamPliskenonedavedeepNostradamAssHat1JoeJoe1BDGarpAphroditeAfter5miss_amERIKAaaa
    • 41
    • RETWEETS
    courtneytanishhcynicanoldicus1JoeJoe1AllieEm120Olanre_emmaAphroditeAfter5sterlingevanHollyMemphis
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    People unfollow me b/c of smelling mistakes, clearly.

    • 190
    • FAVS
    AllieEm120AphroditeAfter5ashgrashmrt1mCpin42mydmaccholesteroIOutOfLeftField_
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    Olanre_emmaAphroditeAfter5___k_elvinK_Aliyechizicareenelbablli_wangweWizardOfRonkaty_baybay
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    I can't tell if my neighbor's music is hip hop or Indy, so I don't know which way to hate them.

    • 187
    • FAVS
    just_evolvedAllieEm120BDGarpAphroditeAfter5mrt1mmydmaccholesteroIjulzvain
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    AphroditeAfter5melakfilms2011firstworldwomankevnastojumpdasharkpiplipsruffyoungMS2034
    MyLongBalls
  • DonSchanke
      Ty Kneedic @DonSchanke

    There's pretty much no going back once you've combined Booberry and Frankenberry into the same bowl.

    • 185
    • FAVS
    Prashant_dv______AllieEm120jsmlynch__________BDGarpAphroditeAfter5ashgrashcynicanoldicusmrt1m
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Illiter8__________AphroditeAfter5BurroFumaEvilPandaXkevnastoSideBurnySMillanderTmoney68
@DonSchanke

@DonSchanke

i like a lot