Next thing you'll hear "I can't date a man who appeared on the noisemakers list, such men grow up to be bus preachers."

"Olivia be more positive"
Ok
*sheds electrons*
*becomes highly unstable*
*spontaneously combusts*
*dies*

Amazing how people will tweet "give thanks for life" in the morning then spend all day complaining about every single aspect of humanity.

Jimmi Gathu's influence in your life:
Childhood - Club Kiboko
Early teens - Jam-A-Delic etc
Adulthood - Wachana na mipango ya kando

Safaricom stopped texting me since I unsubscribed from unlimited texts & their MB plans. I guess there's no romance without finance :(

I hear douchebaggery is measured in Instagrams

Enough with the typo filled texts!

"Hey btw forgot to tell you I loved the smell of your colon that day"

NIGGA, WHAT?

Somehow 3 crickets have managed to enter my room. Currently walking around with a raised sneaker, ready to yell "SILENCE! I KILL YOU!"

You want a guy with his own place so that you can have sex every day. That's it. Don't say you have high standards. Unataka tu kudinyana

#TungaSentensi ukitumia eye candy. Eye candy walk to the stage, its raining pwana!

OMG an animal found only in a part of the world you had no intention of ever visiting is going extinct. Donate money!

Todays episode of #KOT: Start a TT - Enter tweef - mobilize KOT - Lose tweef miserably - follow winners - start Subarus amongst one another

How they hide incest in the Bible:
"Amnon the son of David loved the sister of Absalom the son of David..." II Kings 13:1
#ISeeYou

This has got to be the brokest ive ever been i actually owe myself money

#Lorryimebeba Nonini imeanguka, gi ga ga ga ga ga, cheki hiyo lorry gi ga ga ga ga

"I set fiiiiiiiire to the blaze"

"We could've smoked it aaaaaaaaalll, rolling in the weeeee-eeed"

I make a waaaay better Adele.

"Kenyan girls are so easily influenced by the things they see on TV", he said as he sipped his Heineken and adjusted his Trukfit tshirt

This is what happens when there is no EPL to discuss

Going to start eating my meals slowly and meticulously with classical music playing in the background, just like the villains in movies

Folks would rather die than send "ya kutoa"