@DoogieHowser_MD's (Matthew Dolkart) most faved Tweets...
Short-list of the things Law&Order ruined for me: jogging in Central Park, taking a long walk by the East River and autoerotic asphyxiation.
Sitting at home with my cat on a Friday night watching Antiques Roadshow. I'm ready to die in my sleep.
Women are like snowflakes: each beautiful & unique in their own way, and 'too busy' to return your phone calls.
Every Fri I send myself an evite to my own party &reply 'maybe'. Then when I show up, I am really surprised. Then Mom says 'stop screaming'.
Harpo spelled backwards is Oprah?! I get it! Like the opposite of a small, never-spoken caucasion male entertainer.
I think it’s rude that the Rice Krispies box says “Recipe on the bottom,” but doesn’t remind you to close the top.
It's unfair 2 tell prostitutes that what they do is not a profession when we keep adding 'job' 2 the end of their gigs.
Sub-zero weather is great because when my mom makes me cry, the teardrops freeze on my cheek--which looks bad-ass.
Holiday Blockbuster-Harrison Ford is sent 2 protect Baby Jesus from a kidnapping plot in lesser-known biblical story "Clear&Present Manger."
My love for designer hand lotions has affectionately won me the nickname of 'Aloe Vera Wang' amongst fellow fluffers.
What you might not realize is that each 'tick' of the 60 Minutes clock is actually the sound of Andy Rooney caning a CBS intern.
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