@DoogieHowser_MD's (Matthew) most faved Tweets...
Short-list of the things Law&Order ruined for me: jogging in Central Park, taking a long walk by the East River and autoerotic asphyxiation.
I think it’s rude that the Rice Krispies box says “Recipe on the bottom,” but doesn’t remind you to close the top.
Sitting at home with my cat on a Friday night watching Antiques Roadshow. I'm ready to die in my sleep.
“This isn’t gay, right?”
“No! We do 90mph down hard ice!”
“That is manly!”
“Okay, lay on top of me like a pancake.”
-Two Men, One Luge.
“No! We do 90mph down hard ice!”
“That is manly!”
“Okay, lay on top of me like a pancake.”
-Two Men, One Luge.
Women are like snowflakes: each beautiful & unique in their own way, and 'too busy' to return your phone calls.
Every Fri I send myself an evite to my own party &reply 'maybe'. Then when I show up, I am really surprised. Then Mom says 'stop screaming'.
Harpo spelled backwards is Oprah?! I get it! Like the opposite of a small, never-spoken caucasion male entertainer.
Sub-zero weather is great because when my mom makes me cry, the teardrops freeze on my cheek--which looks bad-ass.
It's unfair 2 tell prostitutes that what they do is not a profession when we keep adding 'job' 2 the end of their gigs.
My love for designer hand lotions has affectionately won me the nickname of 'Aloe Vera Wang' amongst fellow fluffers.
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