Popular Recent Faved By Given
Friends: 580
Followers: 1,381
Favs Given: 12,898
Favs Rec'd: 14,071
@DoogieHowser_MD's (Matthew) recent favourites. See who @DoogieHowser_MD favs the most...
weselec
Her car smelled like Renuzit and wet raccoon, and I told her so. She asked me why I knew what wet raccoon smelled like and we made mad love.
@weselec
m1key_m00n
Growing up, we always had shoes on our table and food on our feet.
@m1key_m00n
Suck_A_Duck
The Hulk is always greener on the other side.
@Suck_A_Duck
kolchak
Evolving. So easy a cave man could do it. Yet all these stupid fucks around me can't manage.
@kolchak
5
penblethSuck_A_DuckunanythingDoogieHowser_MDGdongandalf
AdInsanitum
"Stroganoff?"

"No. Just eating lunch, but I imagine I will be tonight.
(Later, phone rings.)
Funny, I don't remember asking HR to call me."
@AdInsanitum
5
TheBoshaBettyLiesDoogieHowser_MDTheMaskedBanditimaudihere
goldengateblond
Myoplex sports drink lists "motorboating" as an activity that requires extra energy. That must be one HELL of a rack.
@goldengateblond
lonelysandwich
I think I mostly hate Starbucks coffee because of the green in the logo. I just don't want my coffee to taste verdant.
@lonelysandwich
13
antichristaZoeytropedascolathedayhascomephiliphshoesonwrongdamselesqueDoogieHowser_MDampersands1phyllissteindropdeadchrisclapifyoulikemejebanthony
OverlandParker
Tiger Woods announced that he'll return to golf April 5th, making him officially the first man to ever give a two week notice to his penis.
@OverlandParker
badbanana
Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving clocks forward.
@badbanana
sarkastickunt
Unless God is in the center of a Cadbury Cream Egg, I'm not interested in religion.
@sarkastickunt
thebenbrooks
My family Crest is in a tube, with the cap missing.
@thebenbrooks
stevewhitaker
Is "panty liner notes" a thing?
@stevewhitaker
mikemorrow
Christopher Reeve once said, "Once you choose hope, anything's possible."

For @califmom & Bob, we choose hope.

#teamBob #fuckcancer
@mikemorrow
InSoOutSo
For a Masturbating Bear, he sure does charge a lot for a hand job.
@InSoOutSo
angryoldcoot
If I get a haircut maybe this zookeeper will stop trying tase me.
@angryoldcoot
15
WritepopCroweJamBlondHousewifeDoogieHowser_MDbedheadblondeA_N_G_E_L_I_N_EkambrockTymethiefbec1302urbanprojectzTwister1426Suck_A_Duckcrustyjuggler72linajkItsOkBlameMe
lafix
The realtor says the floor-to-ceiling windows offer a lovely view. My primary thought is my exhibitionistic tendencies just went nuclear.
@lafix
Morros
I've been at work five minutes and already the face palms are stacking up.
@Morros
JeanM617
Reminder Note [to myself]: Do not stay up 1 hr past your bedtime reading a book on the couch, no matter how interesting. Related: Back pain.
@JeanM617
4
joe_schmittspookannieDoogieHowser_MDkambrock
drewmonge
I'd like to see Nicholas Sparks write a romance novel about a Gimp who falls in love with a Eunuch. If he can swing that, I'd be impressed.
@drewmonge
7
QuinnKFinger_BuddyMrsNutcase215berber55DoogieHowser_MDSmmytheafoolishwit
JephKelley
My dream guys night out: Me, Bradley Cooper, Paul Rudd. Video games, beers, bars, and depending on how the night goes, a HUGE pillow fight.
@JephKelley
16
blobertdarcikelleyHuskyJonFinger_BuddyDoogieHowser_MDMooeyTienicedreamsweenstevewhitakerHellapaul_e_wogimaudihereJabeeDRtrCisco89mannyteeebeautifl1s
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