@DoogieHowser_MD's (Matthew) recently faved Tweets...
Yellow & blue make green. Quick, find me something blue. Hurry! Oh no, too late.
Hey wait, I'm wearing blue jeans!
Hey wait, I'm wearing blue jeans!
8
@califmom I may be sending my love and support via internet, but it is very real. #teamBOB #fuckcancer
3
Forgetting to put pants on in the morning is like a serial killer doing stand-up. First it's funny, then it's creepy, and then someone dies.
The March Madness pool will again be capped at everyone but Henry—who should really save the $20 for alimony. #cruellyspecificofficeposter
15
Bear with me. No—I'm not calling you a bear! You have a strong oxlike build. Yes—I know you're a fox.
Doctor Dolittle makes it look easy.
Doctor Dolittle makes it look easy.
Old Yankee Stadium is being torn down and soon many fond memories will turn to dust. Darryl Strawberry is looking to buy 1996.
If you put ointment on my back acne for me, I'll put it in 'this evening was disappointment' for you.
Why do women always walk to the other side of the street when they see me coming? It's just a butcher knife. I'm a butcher! A BUTCHER!
The worst part about having a wife that doesn't speak English is that there's no Rosetta Stone for Disappointment.
It's never until after your ex-girlfriend court orders you out of her life by 200ft do you find that missing sock in her dryer.
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