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  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    How do I delete this shitty app that lets people call me?

    • 1,270
    • FAVS
    Dclr8sheraz35sMrsJekyllsHydejustbiffeditvikkaroniThatDangIndianArt0f8LimbsLaughingJess
    • 720
    • RETWEETS
    Dclr8MrsJekyllsHydeloganj199ThatDangIndianthetobbiertstwittwitt19MaxCReynoldsJanabalLecter
    Jennifergr8nateottercirclejokesEatingZebras______TequilaTearsgreggified________
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Porn would be so much more realistic if they put a dog or cat in the background just staring at the actors intently.

    • 574
    • FAVS
    sheraz35sTHEPokerWifeMrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugbees_wingzAlyRoo_eezprofessor_eksjess_8168
    • 315
    • RETWEETS
    MrsJekyllsHydebees_wingzAlyRoo_eezOnyeka_Onyekpeleaserutdrtongue79Mesaheadk7youngtrilly_
    RummyLauded
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    You can’t prove dinosaurs didn’t all die from sadness.

    • 323
    • FAVS
    LuvPugonelongbenderJazzzzzminaRichardProctorVodkaTiemMyNextVictimcaperbc75HeyJennyLeone
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    VodkaTiemcaperbc75favstar_historyalbywizzyAlyssa_JolieMrJeremyHornpiercetheollybusingyejoe
    Mothpete
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    'OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! WHO THE FUCK PISSED HERE? OMG OMG OMG!' -my dog every four steps on a walk

    • 511
    • FAVS
    THEPokerWifeMrsJekyllsHydeODeadInsidePatiCakes78Danny_McH2OBritSnizfluffysusepollykatherine5
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    MrsJekyllsHydeDoreeOhhhhanastasStephsneezy20340967MikiepooCalicoBearcatLuvPugcaperbc75
    2XSiv4U
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    It's like this cop doesn't even care that I have a cape on.

    • 483
    • FAVS
    MrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugericsshadowlllvvvzzzParmineoWilliamDettloffmord0rdjtittyfuck
    • 178
    • RETWEETS
    JanadeGimgmovvidParmineoWilliamDettloffmord0rmsteel190Great_JENeticscydnizoi
    mrtruthandsoul
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Guess who passed out first at the party... http://t.co/5yoMqt3o

    • 186
    • FAVS
    Jay1972JayMrJeremyHorncynicalminds_nhhabibBr_y_annTheGrimKingDamageCase999MandyMoeMents____
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    cynicalminds_sub_conscious_fadedddd_ItsGioSlut_Insomaniacsiklooz__________BlueDreamer420Stonemania
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    ‘Dry those pussies, ladies. I’m just here for a sandwich.’ -How I order at Subway

    • 377
    • FAVS
    LuvPugonelongbendereliserose5caperbc75pragmatisticomgallamaalbywizzystunde_null_0
    • 158
    • RETWEETS
    eliserose5caperbc75jackcharleswardalbywizzystunde_null_0Alyssa_JolieNeon_DragonhornyCemetary
    gristle_kissesj_luce31BigMickgarth0ff__________greggified________
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    If you're waiting on me to 'get ready' I'm probably just spending 20 minutes trying to get my hoodie strings the same length.

    • 410
    • FAVS
    MrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugonelongbenderInThaBurbsatanenhauscaperbc75HeyJennyLeonepragmatistic
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    Unreal_1caperbc75MariusStefi247khaasbeekChuckNorahwiltedflowersMrJeremyHornnhhabib
    jayna_patrice
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    No I don't want to hold your fucking baby. You had it, you hold it.

    • 293
    • FAVS
    MrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugonelongbenderTheGMan19tweetJill22caperbc75SloanBamaVickiKnowles
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75mwachmwachb_dubya41jonnytattersallminnie_in_pink7OSUfreak82HeyJennyLeoneWorkEthicRules____
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I just checked Facebook. There's still a bunch of babies and bible quotes. Oh, and this one guy baked a pie.

    • 348
    • FAVS
    MrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugonelongbenderEL_bluebirdrushgurl2112lostaprilcaperbc75HeyJennyLeone
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    saugep_sarahrushgurl2112LiaThe_Loneonelostaprilcaperbc75TrippWaldenhaley_se____BlackSuedeShoe
    EmileeCaroChiefTwittler
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I can't believe women are just allowed to walk around and make decisions and shit.

    • 324
    • FAVS
    ijLangenTHEPokerWifeMrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugonelongbenderMyNextVictimcaperbc75HeyJennyLeone
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    MrsJekyllsHydecaperbc75nhhabibcandace_9871gristle_kissesTim_X_torieannesaltBravo_bimbo______
    siamondayThe_Opposed
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I never kiss and tell. My uncle was always very strict about that.

    • 376
    • FAVS
    MrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugCopperheadSammiericsshadowlllvvvzzzWilliamDettloffPigDogWhorecrazyjet379
    • 105
    • RETWEETS
    CopperheadSammilllvvvzzzimgmovvidWilliamDettloffPigDogWhorecrazyjet379westcoastphinzonelongbender
    bite_it_harder
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Hey guys driving old cop cars, you owe me like 80 half joints. 

    • 225
    • FAVS
    MrsJekyllsHydeonelongbendergtfiskHorsecoqisfunnybarbie_doll921caperbc75Cheeseboy22nhhabib
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    gtfiskcaperbc75gristle_kisses1800RandyMaranaShaneJeffXTalarico__MoshyVivalazoso
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    My sense of direction is terrible. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

    • 263
    • FAVS
    MrsJekyllsHydeericsshadowlllvvvzzzLuvCoopsAman93deepwestcoastphinzZoeeebolognacuriousteej
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    CaptYogaPantslllvvvzzzStewieJohnstonebillowwillow12ShettyONTHErunonelongbendercaperbc75Getonga
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    My TV screen just went black.

    I hope that old saying isn't true.

    • 303
    • FAVS
    MrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugonelongbendercaperbc75madicoreyLox_21jimandrewsmusicHeyJennyLeone
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    asbadasbadcanbecaperbc75mwachmwachb_dubya41Lox_21HeyJennyLeoneAndyziglaonume_
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Can you overdose on Plan B? Asking because I'm making this girl breakfast.

    • 258
    • FAVS
    MrsJekyllsHydeonelongbenderdeschutz99barbie_doll921caperbc75omgallamajackcharleswardalbywizzy
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    deschutz99caperbc75albywizzyAlyssa_JolieFavstar250nhhabibmolmiller________sexxxnyourgirl
    SeeEllVee
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Math quiz: if a jet traveling 867mph carrying One Direction crashed into a jet going 956mph carrying Justin Bieber, how cool would that be?

    • 97
    • FAVS
    ericsshadowlllvvvzzzpassion_bitesrheaxoxxLuvPugcuriousteejwolfmannjrgreciapapitas
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    ksvdarshanAman93deepcpb1977lilgapeach32kittykat6251wolfmannjrshama_thakur99onelongbender
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    The best way to drink 5-hour Energy is to throw it in the trash and get some cocaine.

    • 140
    • FAVS
    onelongbenderhstweetheartLaRaconteusenhhabibclaireroche94rockermommy3BlairLoudlycandace_9871
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    EddieMac330candace_9871bleedamericanxcggumusBuyergirl882bradilynn7amityrdjimmyrdraindesert
    StexcySaraESpivey
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I don't think this LSD is working, so I'm just going to tell all these dinosaurs to get out of my backyard.

    • 191
    • FAVS
    onelongbenderadisgraceful__MyNextVictimcaperbc75albywizzyCheeseboy22nhhabibITalkToHorsies__
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75K_aroki_albywizzyAlyssa_Joliefavstar_historyobi_ian_kenobiFoxsDailyNewsmoorgiiieee__
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    If you're telling me a story and I say 'Oh, really?', I probably stopped listening around the beginning.

    • 235
    • FAVS
    onelongbenderNadya_KeiGrunge_Girl7caperbc75Cheeseboy22nhhabibcandace_9871gristle_kisses
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75nhhabibpoppywilceAverageClo________galiamangoMandyMoeMents____mike_sweetsMrInspiration65
    miss_ogyny_________bossnova
@Doom_Jedi

@Doom_Jedi
Pro

I saw Alan Thicke in an airport once.