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  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    How do I delete this shitty app that lets people call me?

    • 1,296
    • FAVS
    DelanoStarsdianna92345Tinkrbel1wickedsugadonutbesadAintSoFunnyMeowOrvllShrednbchrkatharinepri
    • 746
    • RETWEETS
    bund_itdianna92345Tinkrbel1wickedsugaNotThatKristiMysticMoonOwlDedicated2marzAndLive2Love
    Jennifergr8nateottercirclejokesEatingZebras______SkunkFartsgreggified________
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Porn would be so much more realistic if they put a dog or cat in the background just staring at the actors intently.

    • 585
    • FAVS
    DelanoStarsAtypicalMamadianna92345wickedsugaTorriablekellichristineDahmerscookpotTlaxBoy05
    • 318
    • RETWEETS
    bund_itwickedsugaTlaxBoy05MrsJekyllsHydebees_wingzAlyRoo_eezi_have_a_paunchleaserut
    RummyLauded
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    You can’t prove dinosaurs didn’t all die from sadness.

    • 331
    • FAVS
    AndreaC242mac1tobypennyddreadfulTinkrbel1wickedsugaTim_HawkenTlaxBoy05KMk4Kicks__
    • 221
    • RETWEETS
    AndreaC242mac1tobyxophanewickedsugaTlaxBoy05VodkaTiemcaperbc75favstar_history
    Mothpete
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    'OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! WHO THE FUCK PISSED HERE? OMG OMG OMG!' -my dog every four steps on a walk

    • 523
    • FAVS
    FancyNancyAnndianna92345Tinkrbel1wickedsugaTorriableDahmerscookpotUrbanDouchebag4lana9
    • 219
    • RETWEETS
    FancyNancyAnnwickedsugashybonersTlaxBoy05LavanyaSethMrsJekyllsHydeDoreeOhhhhanastasSteph
    2XSiv4U
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    It's like this cop doesn't even care that I have a cape on.

    • 494
    • FAVS
    xophanesamanthamerrit2wickedsugabees_wingzYourAnMorondebbiepsychTlaxBoy05Tim_Hawken
    • 185
    • RETWEETS
    wickedsugadinkxxxxprehabfrsomthinNatasshaStashTim_HawkenTlaxBoy05KMk4Kicks__JanadeG
    mrtruthandsoul
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Guess who passed out first at the party... http://t.co/5yoMqt3o

    • 186
    • FAVS
    Jay1972JayMrJeremyHorncynicalminds_nhhabibBr_y_annTheGrimKingDamageCase999MandyMoeMents____
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    cynicalminds_sub_conscious_fadedddd_ItsGioSlut_Insomaniacsiklooz__________BlueDreamer420Stonemania
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    ‘Dry those pussies, ladies. I’m just here for a sandwich.’ -How I order at Subway

    • 385
    • FAVS
    judesammvbernth85DelanoStarsshart_tart__DaveWuzzHerewickedsugaTlaxBoy05KMk4Kicks__
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    vbernth85wickedsugaTlaxBoy05eliserose5caperbc75jackcharleswardalbywizzystunde_null_0
    gristle_kissesJJLUCE31BigMickgarth0ff__________greggified________
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    If you're waiting on me to 'get ready' I'm probably just spending 20 minutes trying to get my hoodie strings the same length.

    • 417
    • FAVS
    mac1tobyTinkrbel1wickedsugaEllenPallasTim_HawkenTlaxBoy05KMk4Kicks__MrsJekyllsHyde
    • 150
    • RETWEETS
    mac1tobywickedsugaTlaxBoy05KMk4Kicks__Unreal_1caperbc75MariusStefi247khaasbeek
    jayna_patrice
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    No I don't want to hold your fucking baby. You had it, you hold it.

    • 299
    • FAVS
    KittenWrittenwickedsugaTlaxBoy05dewdabartmanKMk4Kicks__wisdom_spewedMrsJekyllsHydeLuvPug
    • 148
    • RETWEETS
    AnneClareIvywickedsugaTlaxBoy05KMk4Kicks__caperbc75mwachmwachb_dubya41jonnytattersall
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I just checked Facebook. There's still a bunch of babies and bible quotes. Oh, and this one guy baked a pie.

    • 351
    • FAVS
    mac1tobywickedsugaKMk4Kicks__MrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugonelongbender__EL_bluebirdrushgurl2112
    • 146
    • RETWEETS
    mac1tobywickedsugasaugep_sarahrushgurl2112LiaThe_Loneonelostaprilcaperbc75TrippWalden
    EmileeCaroChiefTwittler
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I can't believe women are just allowed to walk around and make decisions and shit.

    • 327
    • FAVS
    BadForEveryonewickedsugaTlaxBoy05ijLangenTHEPokerWifeMrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugonelongbender__
    • 108
    • RETWEETS
    BadForEveryonewickedsugaTlaxBoy05MrsJekyllsHydecaperbc75nhhabibcandace_9871gristle_kisses
    siamondayThe_Opposed__
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I never kiss and tell. My uncle was always very strict about that.

    • 382
    • FAVS
    mac1tobyBellevivant66vbernth85wickedsugaTlaxBoy05wisdom_spewedMrsJekyllsHydeLuvPug
    • 108
    • RETWEETS
    mac1tobywickedsugaTlaxBoy05CopperheadSammilllvvvzzzimgmovvidWilliamDettloffPigDogWhore
    bite_it_harder
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Hey guys driving old cop cars, you owe me like 80 half joints. 

    • 232
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979wickedsugaColoChiverSayhikristyGarret_007TlaxBoy05KMk4Kicks__MrsJekyllsHyde
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    SayhikristyGarret_007TlaxBoy05KMk4Kicks__gtfiskcaperbc75gristle_kisses1800Randy
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    My sense of direction is terrible. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

    • 266
    • FAVS
    wickedsugaTlaxBoy05KMk4Kicks__MrsJekyllsHydeericsshadowlllvvvzzzLuvCoopsAman93deep
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05CaptYogaPantslllvvvzzzStewieJohnstonebillowwillow12ShettyONTHErunonelongbender__caperbc75
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    My TV screen just went black.

    I hope that old saying isn't true.

    • 308
    • FAVS
    skernn23vbernth85BadForEveryonewickedsugaTlaxBoy05MrsJekyllsHydeLuvPugonelongbender__
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    vbernth85wickedsugaTlaxBoy05asbadasbadcanbecaperbc75mwachmwachb_dubya41Lox_21
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Can you overdose on Plan B? Asking because I'm making this girl breakfast.

    • 260
    • FAVS
    wickedsugaTlaxBoy05MrsJekyllsHydeonelongbender__deschutz99barbie_doll921caperbc75omgallama
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    TlaxBoy05deschutz99caperbc75albywizzyAlyssa_Jolie__Favstar250__nhhabibmolmiller________
    SeeEllVee
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Math quiz: if a jet traveling 867mph carrying One Direction crashed into a jet going 956mph carrying Justin Bieber, how cool would that be?

    • 97
    • FAVS
    ericsshadowlllvvvzzzpassion_bitesrheaxoxxLuvPugcuriousteejwolfmannjrgreciapapitas
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    ksvdarshanAman93deepcpb1977lilgapeach32__kittykat6251wolfmannjrshama_thakur99onelongbender__
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    The best way to drink 5-hour Energy is to throw it in the trash and get some cocaine.

    • 140
    • FAVS
    onelongbender__hstweetheartLaRaconteusenhhabibclaireroche94rockermommy3BlairLoudlycandace_9871
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    EddieMac330candace_9871bleedamericanxcggumusBuyergirl882bradilynn7amityrdjimmyrdraindesert
    StexcySaraESpivey
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I don't think this LSD is working, so I'm just going to tell all these dinosaurs to get out of my backyard.

    • 193
    • FAVS
    wickedsugaKMk4Kicks__onelongbender__adisgraceful__MyNextVictimcaperbc75albywizzyCheeseboy22
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    KMk4Kicks__caperbc75K_aroki_albywizzyAlyssa_Jolie__favstar_historyobi_ian_kenobiFoxsDailyNews
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    If you're telling me a story and I say 'Oh, really?', I probably stopped listening around the beginning.

    • 240
    • FAVS
    wickedsugaKMk4Kicks__ScoobdooblesAnonysubwisdom_spewedonelongbender__Nadya_KeiGrunge_Girl7
    • 69
    • RETWEETS
    KMk4Kicks__wisdom_spewedcaperbc75nhhabibpoppywilceAverageClo________galiamangoMandyMoeMents____
    miss_ogyny_________bossnova
@Doom_Jedi

@Doom_Jedi

I saw Alan Thicke in an airport once.

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