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  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    How do I delete this shitty app that lets people call me?

    • 1,218
    • FAVS
    undonestarRichardProctorcaperbc75HeyJennyLeonebenjohncockjackcharleswardalbywizzycareylikeswine
    • 692
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75iamddkeebenjohncockNasir_xygottaitstuesdayalbywizzyAlyssa_Joliejayyyna
    Jennifergr8nateottercirclejokesEatingZebras______TequilaTearsgreggified________
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Porn would be so much more realistic if they put a dog or cat in the background just staring at the actors intently.

    • 540
    • FAVS
    undonestarTheGMan19RichardProctorcaperbc75HereKileyKileyhollywould511pragmatisticPoeticmare
    • 296
    • RETWEETS
    micktbarnardcaperbc75pragmatisticXOSchitzoalbywizzyNotMarkAllenAlyssa_JolieHollyMemphis
    RummyLauded
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    You can’t prove dinosaurs didn’t all die from sadness.

    • 321
    • FAVS
    JazzzzzminaRichardProctorVodkaTiemMyNextVictimcaperbc75HeyJennyLeonethereverendcinkpragmatistic
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    VodkaTiemcaperbc75favstar_historyalbywizzyAlyssa_JolieMrJeremyHornpiercetheollybusingyejoe
    Mothpete
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    'OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! WHO THE FUCK PISSED HERE? OMG OMG OMG!' -my dog every four steps on a walk

    • 488
    • FAVS
    caperbc75pragmatisticPoeticmareeshurneCheeseboy22nhhabibkc_davieschiggerweeds
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75WantUInsideOfMeAlfred0909found36_correctomundoTrippWaldennsist2pullmedwnswisherr_tweet
    2XSiv4U
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Guess who passed out first at the party... http://t.co/5yoMqt3o

    • 186
    • FAVS
    Jay1972JayMrJeremyHorncynicalminds_nhhabibBr_y_annTheGrimKingDamageCase999MandyMoeMents____
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    cynicalminds_sub_conscious_fadedddd_ItsGioSlut_Insomaniacsiklooz__________BlueDreamer420Stonemania
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    It's like this cop doesn't even care that I have a cape on.

    • 470
    • FAVS
    safelymedicatedRichardProctorcaperbc75pragmatisticalbywizzyeshurnegristle_kissesCheeseboy22
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75albywizzyAlyssa_JolienhhabibCandiZNtorprchick_correctomundoblott444
    mrtruthandsoul
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    ‘Dry those pussies, ladies. I’m just here for a sandwich.’ -How I order at Subway

    • 374
    • FAVS
    caperbc75pragmatisticomgallamaalbywizzystunde_null_0RolexOnMyDickeshurneschumyxxx
    • 157
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75jackcharleswardalbywizzystunde_null_0Alyssa_JolieNeon_DragonhornyCemetarystevenras83
    gristle_kissesj_luce31BigMickgarth0ff__________greggified________
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    If you're waiting on me to 'get ready' I'm probably just spending 20 minutes trying to get my hoodie strings the same length.

    • 406
    • FAVS
    atanenhauscaperbc75HeyJennyLeonepragmatisticMrJeremyHorneshurnenhhabibchiggerweeds
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75MariusStefi247khaasbeekChuckNorahwiltedflowerzMrJeremyHornnhhabibblack17ruthie
    jayna_patrice
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    No I don't want to hold your fucking baby. You had it, you hold it.

    • 290
    • FAVS
    TheGMan19tweetJill22caperbc75SloanBamaVickiKnowlesTraceykemp8tessa_bondmadicorey
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75mwachmwachb_dubya41jonnytattersallminnie_in_pink7OSUfreak82HeyJennyLeoneWorkEthicRules____
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I just checked Facebook. There's still a bunch of babies and bible quotes. Oh, and this one guy baked a pie.

    • 345
    • FAVS
    EL_bluebirdrushgurl2112lostaprilcaperbc75HeyJennyLeonepragmatisticMrJeremyHorneshurne
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    saugep_sarahrushgurl2112LiaThe_Loneonelostaprilcaperbc75TrippWaldenhaley_se____BlackSuedeShoe
    EmileeCaroChiefTwittler
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I can't believe women are just allowed to walk around and make decisions and shit.

    • 319
    • FAVS
    MyNextVictimcaperbc75HeyJennyLeonepragmatisticeshurneCheeseboy22nhhabibWhitnuts
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75nhhabibcandace_9871gristle_kissesTim_X_torieannesaltBravo_bimbo________Moshy
    siamondayThe_Opposed
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Hey guys driving old cop cars, you owe me like 80 half joints. 

    • 223
    • FAVS
    gtfiskHorsecoqisfunnybarbie_doll921caperbc75Cheeseboy22nhhabibktrayyoHehBuddy__________
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    gtfiskcaperbc75gristle_kisses1800RandyMaranaShaneJeffXTalarico__MoshyVivalazoso
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I never kiss and tell. My uncle was always very strict about that.

    • 361
    • FAVS
    TheGMan19caperbc75mwachmwachspeaker2codecsHeyJennyLeonepragmatisticMrJeremyHorneshurne
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75nmoses11HeyJennyLeoneMrJeremyHornTrippWaldengristle_kissesTreeWalrus________JVarsityCaptain
    bite_it_harder
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    My TV screen just went black.

    I hope that old saying isn't true.

    • 300
    • FAVS
    caperbc75madicoreyLox_21jimandrewsmusicHeyJennyLeonepragmatisticalbywizzyMrJeremyHorn
    • 88
    • RETWEETS
    asbadasbadcanbecaperbc75mwachmwachb_dubya41Lox_21HeyJennyLeoneAndyziglaonume_
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    My sense of direction is terrible. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

    • 254
    • FAVS
    mona416caperbc75eshurneGetongaEarnieMacIntirercvbajaleaderbeanbethanymarie__
    • 87
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75Getongabenittto12Favstar250DaMadd_HatterleaderbeanCarolinaSongMsAnneThrope13
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Can you overdose on Plan B? Asking because I'm making this girl breakfast.

    • 256
    • FAVS
    deschutz99barbie_doll921caperbc75omgallamajackcharleswardalbywizzyeshurneemireecraire
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    deschutz99caperbc75albywizzyAlyssa_JolieFavstar250nhhabibmolmiller________sexxxnyourgirl
    SeeEllVee
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    The best way to drink 5-hour Energy is to throw it in the trash and get some cocaine.

    • 139
    • FAVS
    hstweetheartLaRaconteusenhhabibclaireroche94rockermommy3BlairLoudlycandace_9871gristle_kisses
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    EddieMac330candace_9871bleedamericanxcggumusBuyergirl882bradilynn7amityrdjimmyrdraindesert
    StexcySaraESpivey
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I don't think this LSD is working, so I'm just going to tell all these dinosaurs to get out of my backyard.

    • 190
    • FAVS
    annadiscracefulMyNextVictimcaperbc75albywizzyCheeseboy22nhhabibITalkToHorsiescandace_9871
    • 68
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75K_aroki_albywizzyAlyssa_Joliefavstar_historyobi_ian_kenobiFoxsDailyNewsmoorgiiieee__
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    If you're telling me a story and I say 'Oh, really?', I probably stopped listening around the beginning.

    • 234
    • FAVS
    Nadya_KeiGrunge_Girl7caperbc75Cheeseboy22nhhabibcandace_9871gristle_kisses_CursedTea
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    caperbc75nhhabibpoppywilceAverageClo________galiamangoMandyMoeMents____mike_sweetsMrInspiration65
    miss_ogyny_________bossnova
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    The first rule of apathy club is whatever.

    • 96
    • FAVS
    nhhabibcandace_9871GetCougarizedgaliamangoJVarsityCaptaintheninasmarieWesTheFatKid______CameronSchott
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    Alyssa_Joliecrazyxoxofox______bess_yGrumpfukpiplipsraeranaway__JulieOlagbegiThatEggChick______
@Doom_Jedi

@Doom_Jedi
Pro

I saw Alan Thicke in an airport once.