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  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    How do I delete this shitty app that lets people call me?

    • 1,214
    • FAVS
    benjohncockjackcharleswardalbywizzycareylikeswineWhiskeykitty_MyLoveCuckaroocindylou4474Luc_Lion
    • 691
    • RETWEETS
    iamddkeebenjohncockNasir_xygottaitstuesdayalbywizzyAlyssa_JoliejayyynaPHDaniel_Street
    Jennifergr8nateottercirclejokesEatingZebras______TequilaTearsgreggified________
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Porn would be so much more realistic if they put a dog or cat in the background just staring at the actors intently.

    • 536
    • FAVS
    HereKileyKileyhollywould511pragmatisticPoeticmareomgallamaShockTartBionicXOSchitzoalbywizzy
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    pragmatisticXOSchitzoalbywizzyNotMarkAllenAlyssa_JolieHollyMemphiskc_daviesohfuckno74
    RummyLauded
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    You can’t prove dinosaurs didn’t all die from sadness.

    • 315
    • FAVS
    thereverendcinkpragmatisticembidemomgallamaalbywizzyMrJeremyHornAndi_LugoPascalSloths
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    favstar_historyalbywizzyAlyssa_JolieMrJeremyHornpiercetheollybusingyejoeMus_Sly7Verina
    Mothpete
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    'OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! WHO THE FUCK PISSED HERE? OMG OMG OMG!' -my dog every four steps on a walk

    • 487
    • FAVS
    pragmatisticPoeticmareeshurneCheeseboy22nhhabibkc_davieschiggerweedsJillianSays_
    • 206
    • RETWEETS
    WantUInsideOfMeAlfred0909found36_correctomundoTrippWaldennsist2pullmedwnswisherr_tweet23_zelda
    2XSiv4U
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Guess who passed out first at the party... http://t.co/5yoMqt3o

    • 185
    • FAVS
    MrJeremyHorncynicalminds_nhhabib_hipps_TheGrimKingDamageCase999MandyMoeMents____MouVanLee
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    cynicalminds_sub_conscious_fadedddd_ItsGioSlut_InsomaniacsikloozBlueDreamer420Stonemania
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    It's like this cop doesn't even care that I have a cape on.

    • 467
    • FAVS
    pragmatisticalbywizzyeshurnegristle_kissesCheeseboy22nhhabibJillianSays_torprchick
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    albywizzyAlyssa_JolienhhabibCandiZNtorprchick_correctomundoblott444Jennifergr8
    mrtruthandsoul
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    ‘Dry those pussies, ladies. I’m just here for a sandwich.’ -How I order at Subway

    • 373
    • FAVS
    pragmatisticomgallamaalbywizzystunde_null_0RolexOnMyDickeshurneschumyxxxnhhabib
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    jackcharleswardalbywizzystunde_null_0Alyssa_JolieNeon_DragonhornyCemetarystevenras83AnitaAlibi
    gristle_kissesj_luce31BigMickgarth0ffgreggified________
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    If you're waiting on me to 'get ready' I'm probably just spending 20 minutes trying to get my hoodie strings the same length.

    • 403
    • FAVS
    pragmatisticMrJeremyHorneshurnenhhabibchiggerweedselaine_9495JillianSays_black17ruthie
    • 144
    • RETWEETS
    MariusStefi247khaasbeekChuckNorahgrassdaddyMrJeremyHornnhhabibblack17ruthie_correctomundo
    jayna_patrice
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I just checked Facebook. There's still a bunch of babies and bible quotes. Oh, and this one guy baked a pie.

    • 340
    • FAVS
    pragmatisticMrJeremyHorneshurneemireecraireCheeseboy22nhhabibWhitnutsTrippWalden
    • 139
    • RETWEETS
    TrippWaldenhaley_se__BlackSuedeShoeShockuhFlocka_TheRealLamarSteelersSince84__qqnquiwesleybordelon
    EmileeCaroChiefTwittler
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    No I don't want to hold your fucking baby. You had it, you hold it.

    • 279
    • FAVS
    pragmatisticalbywizzyMrJeremyHorneshurneTallulahBentJROWE_SLCDrShimshilowitzHollyMemphis
    • 137
    • RETWEETS
    WorkEthicRules____albywizzyAlyssa_JolieTallulahBentJROWE_SLChelloimvikingoDrShimshilowitzMadddicakes
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I can't believe women are just allowed to walk around and make decisions and shit.

    • 316
    • FAVS
    pragmatisticeshurneCheeseboy22nhhabibWhitnutsITalkToHorsesTrippWaldencandace_9871
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    nhhabibcandace_9871gristle_kissesTim_X_torieannesaltBravo_bimbo________Moshycouture3186
    siamondayThe_Opposed
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Hey guys driving old cop cars, you owe me like 80 half joints. 

    • 219
    • FAVS
    Cheeseboy22nhhabibktrayyoHehBuddy___________CursedTeaford414__________wesleybordelonMandyMoeMents____
    • 95
    • RETWEETS
    gristle_kisses1800RandyMaranaShaneJeffXTalarico__MoshyVivalazosoohwrigley________BeverlyCleary69
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I never kiss and tell. My uncle was always very strict about that.

    • 356
    • FAVS
    pragmatisticMrJeremyHorneshurnenhhabibWhitnutsTrippWaldencandace_9871ktrayyo
    • 94
    • RETWEETS
    MrJeremyHornTrippWaldengristle_kissesTreeWalrus________JVarsityCaptainBakeEmAwayToyzCaptainEskimonateotter
    bite_it_harder
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    My sense of direction is terrible. I'm not sure where I'm going with this.

    • 252
    • FAVS
    eshurneGetongaEarnieMacIntirercvbajaleaderbeanbethanymarie__AlyT81MsAnneThrope13
    • 86
    • RETWEETS
    Getongabenittto12Favstar250DaMadd_HatterleaderbeanCarolinaSongMsAnneThrope13hollyberryness
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    My TV screen just went black.

    I hope that old saying isn't true.

    • 295
    • FAVS
    pragmatisticalbywizzyMrJeremyHorneshurneCheeseboy22nhhabibTrippWaldenwesleybordelon
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    Andyziglaonume_ShwentoIncognitah_albywizzyAlyssa_JolieTrippWaldenLittleeLauraaa
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    Can you overdose on Plan B? Asking because I'm making this girl breakfast.

    • 253
    • FAVS
    omgallamajackcharleswardalbywizzyeshurneemireecrairenhhabibITalkToHorseswesleybordelon
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    albywizzyAlyssa_JolieFavstar250nhhabibmolmiller________sexxxnyourgirl__Moshyarrrghbrianna
    SeeEllVee
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    The best way to drink 5-hour Energy is to throw it in the trash and get some cocaine.

    • 139
    • FAVS
    hstweetheartLaRaconteusenhhabibclaireroche94rockermommy3BlairLoudlycandace_9871gristle_kisses
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    EddieMac330candace_9871bleedamericanxcggumusBuyergirl882bradilynn7amityrdjimmyrdraindesert
    StexcySaraESpivey
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    I don't think this LSD is working, so I'm just going to tell all these dinosaurs to get out of my backyard.

    • 187
    • FAVS
    albywizzyCheeseboy22nhhabibITalkToHorsescandace_9871MandyMoeMents____MouVanLeeJVarsityCaptain
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    K_aroki_albywizzyAlyssa_Joliefavstar_historyobi_ian_kenobiFoxsDailyNewsmoorgiiieee__jilly_bo_filly
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    If you're telling me a story and I say 'Oh, really?', I probably stopped listening around the beginning.

    • 231
    • FAVS
    Cheeseboy22nhhabibcandace_9871gristle_kisses_CursedTeaOB1MasterDiverErik_AllenCrystalgoesboom
    • 66
    • RETWEETS
    nhhabibpoppywilceAverageClo________galiamango________MandyMoeMents____mike_sweetsMrInspiration65PP_problems
    miss_ogyny_________bossnova
  • Doom_Jedi
      No one @Doom_Jedi

    The first rule of apathy club is whatever.

    • 96
    • FAVS
    nhhabibcandace_9871GetCougarizedgaliamango________JVarsityCaptaintheninasmarieWesTheFatKid______CameronSchott
    • 64
    • RETWEETS
    Alyssa_Joliecrazyxoxofox______bess_ygRUMpFUKpiplipsraeranaway__JulieOlagbegiThatEggChick______
@Doom_Jedi

@Doom_Jedi

I saw Alan Thicke in an airport once.