Ladies call me a dinosaur egg because I haven't been laid in millions of years

If Wiz Khalifa doesn't call his shower sponges Wiz Khaloofahs, then fuck that guy

ARE WE DOOMAN OR ARE WE DANCER

Look ma, no friends

I Will Unfollow You Into The Dark

Pale, scrawny 18yr old piece of shit seeking equally shitty human to fav my tweets and go to McDonald's burnt out every night of summer

Looks like Team Romney's blasting off again!

RT if you like listening to music or want to have sex with me

#lol #autocorrect #fail #DamnItsTrue pic.twitter.com/V98urbq2ka

Everybody should be entitled to the misery that is marriage, no matter their sexual orientation #MarriageEquality

Stop blowing things out of proportion, I said to the prostitute having sex with a midget

I hate all the commercialism with 420 nowadays. It's a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus, people

Hey guys check out this piece of paper that says I'm good at something! How much did it cost you ask? Only 200k and four years of my youth

"Fuck the police!" - someone who doesn't appreciate Sting

Ok this is where I draw the line. And this is where I draw the circle, square and triangle. I love coloring books. Also I'm dumping you

hahaha omg guys did you know that if you log over 250 hours watching Netflix Instant, then I haven't been on a date in over a year

.@mittromney just walked past a "poor", difficulty breathing, am I infected please send help with caviar just in case

Fifty shades of Chick-fil-A

The Lord Twerks in mysterious ways

Why subtweet when you can SUPERtweet #haha #jokes #comedy #humor #ImSoAlone