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  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    My boyfriend is so Jewish, he'd watch Porn backwards just to see the hooker give the money back.

    • 1,355
    • FAVS
    mjlwkelley_robertsStregis951yogsiteJenniferKrame20HarrisonMainsRandyKomishondarayan
    • 612
    • RETWEETS
    haloshoxekelley_robertsRWolickJR_risen92MasterOfFuryJenniferKrame20JulesC70Lobby_Ray
    eliserose5SupersurlyabstractesamalmightysamTimUhlTat6277__________facciabellaYourFavMexi_Canb_luca____________
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    I really don't have much respect for those that take drugs and alcohol.

    Like Customs, for example.

    • 1,078
    • FAVS
    knownAsDickArtWehadadealJodi_scsJohnAliteRattedkeogroh007hail_M_huntAPuzzelloUnderchilde
    • 431
    • RETWEETS
    knownAsDickEzraKillsmikebassguyIsaFitzRajatRapatwarkeogroh007escapedarPaleElegance
    Neutrontrilogy1knotwholeTheRealDrToddNeonWhiskymrschaotictitsNtatertotsemirkr
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    I hate it when my husband accuses me of not caring about whatever the fuck he was talking about.

    • 1,073
    • FAVS
    knownAsDickEzraKillsRdnucarpkeogroh007APuzzelloUnderchildeScott_A_GilmoreHenry_3k
    • 323
    • RETWEETS
    unfetteredbitchIsaFitzcarole_mulzkeogroh007APuzzelloUnderchildeScott_A_GilmoreSteveKoehler22
    5haelThedudishCrystalMoonableBasstardy________jdstalnaked
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Ladies- it's important to have a man that:

    1) Rocks in bed
    2) Buys you stuff
    3) Compliments you
    4) These 3 men do not know each other.

    • 892
    • FAVS
    lanceklepperknownAsDickNurseRMCRNjamben82dopedndeadalmostpaleo2mimax1985APuzzello
    • 375
    • RETWEETS
    EzraKillscarole_mulzjamben82dopedndeadescapedarcosquillabreveAPuzzelloMs_Xtina
    crayan9livingnBostonVeuxsSergioValenCoMaui_Speaks
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Just saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap.

    Must be his alarm system.

    • 820
    • FAVS
    TwistedfingasScott_A_GilmoreericonederfulSteveKoehler22chrispd990ShanaRose21OneFunnyMummyKatrinaGibson13
    • 293
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_GilmoreSteveKoehler22ShanaRose21SonicReayneecie67Sumit_xP__Quartzjixlertommy1791
    Xalqeezachreinert03Cpez38CrystalMoonablenotfaizzyPhilLaysheOdisarray_atbestRoadfilm__________skullpuppy11RealJimmySnow____PeaceInTruth1karencreets______
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    I hate Jehovah Witnesses.

    Mind you, being of Italian descent, I hate any witnesses.

    • 841
    • FAVS
    Scott_A_GilmoreHeyZeus666laurajrichter3JackBogeyNini9566CrashDavis757JulieSnarkFrakkingAwesome
    • 235
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_GilmoreSchlagerBombJulieSnarkDBwiddaDBscott_atlantasamiam604bizarreudoDameMitHerz
    ericonederfulsmartypeachRummyLaudedBurgee66__________RykWeston________
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    How to find your wife while shopping:

    1- Call out her name
    2- Check the cosmetics aisle
    3- Smack another woman's ass

    • 658
    • FAVS
    UntouchableSheAnkCoupleTOScott_A_GilmoreJustLikeMikeeViking0074Ganicome4ScoreN20BowlsMasterSociopath
    • 231
    • RETWEETS
    83diceLobby_RayScott_A_Gilmore4ScoreN20BowlsMasterSociopathJ_IllunninatiSteveKoehler22therealrails
    thetobbieCliffordMyerssilent_musings
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    I wonder if people in 3rd world countries know that we can choose between crushed and regular ice cubes.

    • 664
    • FAVS
    Scott_A_GilmoreHeyZeus666MasterSociopathSteveKoehler22trashtasticaLikeAGoodIdea88ShanaRose21volatpropriis
    • 163
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_GilmoreSteveKoehler22ShanaRose21volatpropriisMiaIngallinahatablockazArtDeityTracyL66
    A_SmartAsseliserose5Bathing_in_Sin____ryang121__________jasonlight73cfishing
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Gotta hand it to midgets sometimes.

    You know, cause they can't reach and all.

    • 627
    • FAVS
    Scott_A_GilmoreHeyZeus666MasterSociopathPaulSpaconeShanaRose21volatpropriisOneFunnyMummyhail_M_hunt
    • 197
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_GilmoreShanaRose21hatablockazQuartzjixlerRealShaughnayyeitsbenGillBorgthatdutchperson
    jumpdasharkmontaukmonster1Better_CleverGinlicker________TheNordicHammer
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    FOR SALE:

    Wedding dress size 6. Only worn once. By mistake.

    • 616
    • FAVS
    PuneethBekalonume_cbahorizejrdougbiesorneryalwaysCommonSavantlouisadoubell78KittenWritten
    • 187
    • RETWEETS
    DMAMA232323mfsemujuVBeTrollingcbahorizejrCommonSavantJustTorrenceJollyReprobatemissekay
    translucentme_RummyLauded
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Guns don't kill people.

    Celine Dion's music kills people.

    • 542
    • FAVS
    JustLikeMikeeSteveKoehler22trashtasticamycrazyblueyesdonbciviltequilasaltlifeLSahara610ShanaRose21
    • 212
    • RETWEETS
    MICU_CVICURNSteveKoehler22mycrazyblueyesShanaRose21RealShaughnsc2calitreydaywayitsmetrb
    KKAlThanistacetoned
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Ladies, stop getting all Pavlovy when you see a man open a car door for his woman.

    Either the car is new or the woman is.

    • 581
    • FAVS
    sbhobby55ClaudineMJScott_A_GilmoreJustLikeMikeeSteveKoehler22vtrapp11Lupster17chrispd990
    • 172
    • RETWEETS
    PastaFace2Justin_CidentalScott_A_GilmoreSteveKoehler22luwyxLonChildThaDonitsmetrbShanaRose21
    HoneyUnhinged
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    "Let's go somewhere expensive tonight"
    We drove to the gas station, filled up & came back home.

    Now, we're eating soup out of a can.

    • 570
    • FAVS
    Scott_A_GilmorePaulSpaconeSteveKoehler22Lupster17DONTJIMMYMEJULZCanadianMclovinitsmetrbShanaRose21
    • 171
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_GilmoreSteveKoehler22itsmetrbShanaRose21RealShaughngm_cageohpeetieTotallyUnfunny
    ImHopel3ss
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Mom, what's a Kardashian? It's what a midget can't see over when in the driver's seat. Just kidding, dear. It means whore.

    • 484
    • FAVS
    Scott_A_GilmoreSoo_Scandalousstranslucentme_PaulSpaconeSteveKoehler22trashtasticaOpenClassMXTEAM_BANE
    • 215
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_GilmoreSoo_Scandaloussmaaroufsalemtranslucentme_MasterSociopathSteveKoehler22TEAM_BANEShanaRose21
    MyDarkSide73FunnyRandomboobillGuyAdvisor
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    There are 7,128 grocery carts to choose from, yet I always manage to pick the one that makes me look like I have Cerebral Palsy.

    • 531
    • FAVS
    TwistedfingasScott_A_GilmoreAPuzzelloSirrruhsandiego_katcreativeTypeDadKittenMcKayHackMorris
    • 166
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_Gilmoresandiego_katFancyNancyAnnHackMorrisHenry_3kSteveKoehler22trashtasticaOpenClassMX
    roadkill3xPaul_Rego________InconsteveableUnFitz
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Kids playing on the bed cause accidents.

    Accidents playing on the bed cause kids....

    • 453
    • FAVS
    Scott_A_GilmoreSoo_ScandaloussMekimooretranslucentme_Wordacrobatics1SteveKoehler22OpenClassMXsailormoonie135
    • 190
    • RETWEETS
    Scott_A_Gilmorevipin1011Soo_Scandaloussmaaroufsalemtranslucentme_SteveKoehler22ShanaRose21LAGirl76
    KindOfASmartass__Juan_Incognitoskullpuppy11CroweJamMattDaddyO________
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    There are two different kinds of pedestrians.

    Ones that cross quickly and ones that get stuck under my car.

    • 481
    • FAVS
    hippocroteezHeyZeus666SteveKoehler22OpenClassMXGetdabuzzShanaRose21OneFunnyMummySerialFuckup
    • 126
    • RETWEETS
    MasterSociopathSteveKoehler22OpenClassMXGetdabuzzShanaRose21RealShaughnjoliefeherMicropan44
    montaukmonster1
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Tell my kids about the Tooth Fairy and they believe it.

    Tell them the floor is wet and they have to walk in it to be sure. Little fuckers.

    • 445
    • FAVS
    dietredbullMasterSociopathOpenClassMXShanaRose21OneFunnyMummySerialFuckupcassvinceluicifer333
    • 156
    • RETWEETS
    ShanaRose21RealShaughndirtydishtowelsonume_patcasey72P3CAW57thStateTweetradamisbigd
    FancyCookinMofoToken_Geezer
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Poor handicapped guy on the train forgot to put the breaks on his wheel chair. It was like watching the Pinball Wizard.

    • 484
    • FAVS
    MasterSociopathsailormoonie135ShanaRose21OneFunnyMummySerialFuckupCarlosVanSRonpatcasey72HysteriaBarbie
    • 114
    • RETWEETS
    Bongani51073349ShanaRose21RealShaughnMARSHALANDARpatcasey72nutblack1bcut1adamisbigd
    PhilLaysheOPaul_Rego________AllYouThinkArrogant_Twat
  • DosieDoe
      Dosie Doe @DosieDoe

    Perfection without e.r.e.c.t.i.o.n is just Pf...

    • 439
    • FAVS
    vipin1011Soo_ScandaloussMekimooretranslucentme_SteveKoehler22DamnedDirtyLiestrashtasticaraininmyhands
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    vipin1011Soo_Scandaloussmaaroufsalemtranslucentme_SteveKoehler22DamnedDirtyLiesShanaRose21APANCHALYPSENOW
    boobill_Shizzle__________
@DosieDoe

@DosieDoe
Pro

Publicly, here on Twitter- I'm coming out of the closet. I hate my kids. There I said it.

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