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Excuses are like assholes, they both have an 'e' and an 's'.
Girls, also related, a splash of vinegar to your vagina in the shower never hurt anyone either.
Rednecks are just hillbillies with jobs.
Some people change, and some people never were who you thought they were.
I wish American Horror Story: Freaks was as good as the previews/commercials led you to believe.
Sometimes you want to put a hole in your head to match the hole in your heart.
You shouldn't have to explain your motives to the motherfucker your with. That motherfucker should just get you.
Just jerked off on top of my washing machine. I totally get it, girls.
I grab her hand and caress the small of her back. I kiss her neck. I whisper in her ear, "Can I have a blowjob, please?"
If you've never had an STD once in your life then you're just not living to your fullest.
The highlight of my vacation so far is this vanilla Pepsi. And the sex. But not with the can, with a real person.
This Saturday on AMC is the Rambo marathon. Be there, unless you're too busy maintaining your vagina.
I drink every day of the week. Sunday is the grand finale of my drunkenness.
'Nut on a butt' should really be a phrase.
Since we can cure Ebola, I think it's time to find a cure for Blue Balls.
If you've been in a hotel room after me, then chances are you've made contact with my balls.
Oh that drip...face goes numb