Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
American football, but less gay.
If it weren't for Twitter, I would have gone on forever thinking the purpose of Fat Tuesday was to kick off Mardi Gras.
One way or another, everyone likes butt stuff.
Constantly smelling like a nut sack should be grounds for termination.
If you're a girl, and you star one of my dick or blowjob jokes, I'll automatically follow you back. Sorry, can't help it.
Having one of those days where I want to fucking murder everyone around me.
Holy shit. I just saw a bio that said 'TeamFollowBack' AND 'vegan'!! I think my head just exploded due to the level of WTF experienced.
Got on my Big Johnson shirt, my No Fear beanie, and my gold Nike necklace.
And now I wait for the pussy.
Nothing like a big greasy hamburger for lunch to get this diarrhea started.
You can be gorgeous, but as soon as you make a duck face or pouty lips, then you become the ugliest bitch known to man.
I got a new desk chair at work. I am pretty sure this is what heaven feels like. My ass approves.
Tequila makes my butthole pucker.
Boners and beer. Those are two things I'll always have.
If you have a Hello Kitty sticker decal on your car I automatically want to rip your goddamn face off with my bare hands.