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Girl that use the word ‘bro’, stop that shit. That’s our word. We don’t use your words, like 'cooking' and 'cleaning'.
I yell, I'm being mean. I remain quite and calm, I'm still being mean.
This is how arguments go when you're married.
If satan wore a coat, it would be one of those puffy bubble coats.
Nice skull ring, dude. What are you, a fucking sorcerer or something?
Twitter looks boring from the outside, but once your inside, its like fucking Narnia.
Q: How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?
A: He farts.
As anyone actually even seen a ginger up close and in person?? I'm not denying their existence, merely questioning it.
Nothing confuses me more than an inspiration tweeter with a tit AVI.
If you’re given the task of taking the group photo then congrats, you’re the ugly one.
*subtweets the entire planet
If a girl pulls out a knife on you during a fight, pull out some bread & mayo. Her woman instincts will kick in & she'll make you a sandwich
Girls don't ever forget anything. And when they do, they still don't. Either way you're fucked.
My ex lives at 4714 E Maple Dr, Claremore, OK 74019.
Thank you in advance.
Electronics aren't your life. Put down your phone, grab the person you love, and fuck their brains out.
Jokes on you airport security, I like a surprise finger in my ass every once in a while.
Twerking and Selfie have been added to the oxford dictionary.
Future and Optimism have been removed.
Date night with the wife tonight. Will be nice to argue and fight in public for a change.
Calm down people that overuse exclamation marks. Calm. The. Fuck. Down.
Sometimes you just need a hug. And a blowjob. And seven hundred thousand dollars.