Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I wish I loved anything as much as assholes on Facebook loved taking quizzes.
Twerking and Selfie have been added to the oxford dictionary.
Future and Optimism have been removed.
Real books > electronic books.
People who have kicked a drug addiction are stronger than those that never started. Don't be a judgy prick.
Ever have one of those days where you feel like your dick is getting smaller?
I'm pretty sure this Taco Bell burrito just gave me crabs.
Girls that show your tits, good job. Keep it up.
Girls that don’t show your tits, we got some work to do.
Date night with the wife tonight. Will be nice to argue and fight in public for a change.
Girl that use the word ‘bro’, stop that shit. That’s our word. We don’t use your words, like 'cooking' and 'cleaning'.
I yell, I'm being mean. I remain quite and calm, I'm still being mean.
This is how arguments go when you're married.
If satan wore a coat, it would be one of those puffy bubble coats.
Nice skull ring, dude. What are you, a fucking sorcerer or something?
Twitter looks boring from the outside, but once your inside, its like fucking Narnia.
Q: How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?
A: He farts.
As anyone actually even seen a ginger up close and in person?? I'm not denying their existence, merely questioning it.
Nothing confuses me more than an inspiration tweeter with a tit AVI.
If you’re given the task of taking the group photo then congrats, you’re the ugly one.
*subtweets the entire planet
If a girl pulls out a knife on you during a fight, pull out some bread & mayo. Her woman instincts will kick in & she'll make you a sandwich