Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Show me the barrel of your shotgun so I know the love is real.
Jerking off in my wife's hair while she's sleeping is about as adventurous as I get nowadays.
I have no idea what the hell I'm doing and that's ok.
Over-parenting is still parenting. Beats the fuck out of under-parenting.
Atheists try to get Christians to convert while Christian try to convert atheists. Im sitting here thinking we all jerk off to the same porn
Monday Twitter is just weekend Twitters sloppy seconds.
I don't care what size or color you are. If you are a human being and not an asshole, I like you.
You're a nobody unless you have a secret passageway/room in your house. Just another schmuck.
Apparently a guy in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping.
So...41 is the limit fellas.
I bet some Barry Manilow sounds dope as shit with those larger than life headphones.
Twerking and Selfie have been added to the oxford dictionary.
Future and Optimism have been removed.
The world needs more cats and dogs and less humans.
Dear people that run out of gas while driving: how the fuck??
This is the true story of millions of people joining Twitter to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real.
Being tired of bullshit is much more tiring than being tired from lack of sleep.
I don't star/rt people because they are pro members, I do it cause they deserve it or show love.
People that use E-Cigs are the new people that wear Axe body spray and Tap-Out shirts.
Can dudes even snuggle their girls without getting a boner? If so, please tell me your secret, wizard.
Canada, tits, and beer.
Feel free to trophy this now.
I'd rather have 2 followers that read my shit and occasionally retweet than 29k that don't.