"Shit or get off my face" is a common German saying.

I wish Jesus would stop whispering "rape the new girl after work, she's asking for it" in my head. I'm trying to work.

My kid said he's going to Zack's to work on his Science project. Hope he's lying and going to smoke weed and finger an 8th grade girl.

Just went in the women's room by accident, wall to wall gash, girls fingering each other and peeing on each other, it was glorious.

Anybody do anything about the war on chimps or did you just sit on your ass all day? I made a chimp trap diagram. http://t.co/Va46g4OB

My new show idea "So You Think You're Stronger Than A Retard?" has met some resistance, to put it mildly.

I wish Obama had a flattop.

You have to ask yourself: "Where was Batman during all of this last night?"

Do retards cum? If you taught a retard how to beat off he'd tear his pecker off with retard strength and you'd probably get in trouble.

If some of you girls would just put big fatass in your bio it would save me alot of time.

I guess I'm not the only guy who decided to whack off in his car at the park today. Fuckin pervs.

That's weird, Kelly Clarkson has thighs for arms...

Can't say I'm surprised Rodney King couldn't swim...

They say pregnant women have a "glow," but it's hard to tell in this movie I'm watching cause this lady has 2 black dicks in her mouth.

This Asian dude (probably Chinese, or Japanese, maybe Korean, same shit, they all get on my nerves) Great, now I forgot what was I saying.

Christ's last words were "colei cons testis sudori." Which translates from Latin as "Till the sweat runs down my balls, skeet skeet.[sic]"

I'll bet Hefty Smurf has the biggest smurf. He probably smurfs the smurfing smurf outta Smurfette, then smurfs allover her face.

I'm no microbiologist, but containing deadly E.Coli in Germany is going to be next to impossible if they keep shitting on each other's faces

My sweatshirt sleeve keeps rubbin on my elbow and annoying me, so I called Donna at my works husband and told him she's cheating on him.

I just seen some guy talking on a phone that wasn't an iPhone. What a fucking piece of shit. Get a 2nd job or something asshole.