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  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I don't think I can live in a world that has synonyms for original.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    beskrajanThe_Dorkster______steverudykSirBenderWill____5haners__________TheAuntSheilapufferpuff76______bonita__bonita
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    beskrajansteverudykJayMindPokerLittlestSlobotheballedtruth
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I want to feel you pressed against me, but I'll settle for smelling the shirt you left here 17 days ago.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    beskrajanThe_Dorkster______steverudykSirBenderWill____5haners__________CynthiaGoose______bonita__bonitaTauseef31
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    beskrajansteverudykHeli_Katgunghokitty______InsidiousMuseJewbekahtheballedtruth
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I knew I shouldn't have Groupon'ed an assassin.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    beskrajandavidlohEaton_BeaveraaCotyaa__________foxyboxAceso76erinberrypieihatejoelwatson
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    erinberrypieBOSSFORTHECAUSEBrutalParagonchicka_miaThe_Dorkster______usbatesmomma0315
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    No, perve, I said I came with my POSSE

    • 16
    • FAVS
    beskrajandavidlohThe_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____5haners__________TheAuntSheilaHumor_Fetishmycrazyblueyes
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    mycrazyblueyesLittlestSloboCartoonzian
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    To the guy at the dog park today: my dog humping your cocker spaniel does NOT foreshadow anything b/w us.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    beskrajanThe_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____5haners__________TheAuntSheilabonita__bonitapufferpuff76______jimmygeist__
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    beskrajanTauseef31LittlestSlobo
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I follow back is the new I reciprocate oral.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    beskrajandavidlohDanny_QuestBOOB_STATUSExxtraMediumA_Rose__bMrPaulitosDouchyWesWekler
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    gadflies__________The_Dorkster______AntonChirgu
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I want to see an innocuous question asked for a friend. Like: Shouldn't a top loader fill water past the clothes? Asking for a friend.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    beskrajanThe_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____TheAuntSheilaCynthiaGoose______Dirty_IdeaConFuseUs_DaylyJayMindPoker
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    LittlestSlobo
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Is there any Sherlock Holmes porn?
    (asking for a friend)

    • 9
    • FAVS
    beskrajanThe_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____TheAuntSheilaHumor_FetishTQKaTT________UrbanDouchebagLittlestSlobo
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    LittlestSloboSpanishRantTingySpufferpuff76______
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I feel like Russia today, resource-wise. My largest export has been natural gas.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    beskrajanThe_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____5haners__________LittlestSlobowaydybeepufferpuff76______ColoChiver
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    steverudyk
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    "You can't spell sex without ex" -- my ex's attempt to get some recycle play

    • 9
    • FAVS
    beskrajandavidlohThe_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____TheAuntSheilaAntonChirguUrbanDouchebagpufferpuff76______
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    AntonChirgupufferpuff76______
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    When I misspelled Confidential, you suggested Confident Tail? Autocorrect, sometimes I want to buy you dinner & introduce you to my friends.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    Livewire3791davidlohaaCotyaa__________Aceso76TheJediJeffihatejoelwatsonThe_Dorkster______
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    TheJediJeffalphasub_plug____
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Good day! I want to go home & make love to my husband! But, he doesn't exist. Not sure making love exists either. Back to feminazi state...

    • 8
    • FAVS
    kellysolodukaThe_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____briangaarpineappleiheartmomma0315She_and_MeRiskProfessor____
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Me: Quit with the OCD!!
    Friend: I will once I GET EVERYTHING JUST RIGHT!

    • 7
    • FAVS
    The_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____5haners__________LittlestSloboColoChiverpineappleiheartAspersioncast
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    pineappleiheart
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I think ppl are misusing the past participle pluperfect of the infinitive to can as some kind of a noun nickname.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    SvedishChefKatarinaKrizThe_Dorkster______Classy_Cassy89____
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    ppenniiKatarinaKrizThe_Dorkster______
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    My boss always walks in on times like, "girl, ask him to eat pineapple!" but not when I'm furiously typing. (typing on Twitter, but still!)

    • 7
    • FAVS
    davidlohThe_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____pufferpuff76______LittlestSloboauguststuarttheballedtruth
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    If you gave me anything, I could lose it in my house for 3 days. Not bragging abt my average-size house, just sharing my superpower.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    The_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____LittlestSloboThe_Pinkhairpineappleiheartcynicuhl
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    steverudyk
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    A fun thing to hear at work is "people having fun in here? We can't have that!" Yea, I bet you have no friends at home, too, Mr. Party.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Livewire3791Aceso76TheJediJeffThe_Dorkster______peachgrenade
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheJediJeff
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Mr Nerd Repairman, the way u hyperfocus & brainstorm w/ intense creative determination all scream that your GF never has to fake it.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    The_Dorkster______SirBenderWill____AntonChirguLittlestSlobopufferpuff76______peachgrenade
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Welcome To The Jungle #InappropriateWeddingSongs

    • 5
    • FAVS
    The_Dorkster______LittlestSloboColoChiverpineappleiheartCartoonzian
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Cartoonzian
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    #EveryFamilyHas to endure old epic stories that are just old, not epic

    • 4
    • FAVS
    The_Dorkster______CoalsBurnHottjeremy_ymerej23__gadflies__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    gadflies__________
@DrollDoll

@DrollDoll

I use a lot of napkins.