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  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I don't think I can live in a world that has synonyms for original.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    altheneThe_DorkstersteverudykSirBenderWill____5hanersTheAuntSheilapufferpuff76______bonita__bonita
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    althenesteverudykJayMindPokerLittlestSlobotheballedtruth
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I want to feel you pressed against me, but I'll settle for smelling the shirt you left here 17 days ago.

    • 20
    • FAVS
    altheneThe_DorkstersteverudykSirBenderWill____5hanersCynthiaGoose______bonita__bonitaTauseef31
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    althenesteverudykHeli_Katgunghokitty______InsidiousMuseJewbekahtheballedtruth
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I knew I shouldn't have Groupon'ed an assassin.

    • 17
    • FAVS
    althenedavidlohEaton_BeaveraaCotyaafoxyboxAceso76erinberrypieihatejoelwatson
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    erinberrypieBOSSFORTHECAUSEBrutalParagonchicka_miaThe_Dorksterusbatesmomma0315
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    No, perve, I said I came with my POSSE

    • 16
    • FAVS
    althenedavidlohThe_DorksterSirBenderWill____5hanersTheAuntSheilaHumor_Fetishmycrazyblueyes
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    mycrazyblueyesLittlestSloboCartoonzian
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    To the guy at the dog park today: my dog humping your cocker spaniel does NOT foreshadow anything b/w us.

    • 16
    • FAVS
    altheneThe_DorksterSirBenderWill____5hanersTheAuntSheilabonita__bonitapufferpuff76______jimmygeist__
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    altheneTauseef31LittlestSlobo
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I follow back is the new I reciprocate oral.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    althenedavidlohDanny_QuestBOOB_STATUSExxtraMediumAn_drea__BakerMrPaulitosDouchyWesWekler
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    gadflies__________The_DorksterAntonChirgu
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I want to see an innocuous question asked for a friend. Like: Shouldn't a top loader fill water past the clothes? Asking for a friend.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    altheneThe_DorksterSirBenderWill____TheAuntSheilaCynthiaGoose______Dirty_IdeaConFuseUs_SaysJayMindPoker
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    LittlestSlobo
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Is there any Sherlock Holmes porn?
    (asking for a friend)

    • 9
    • FAVS
    altheneThe_DorksterSirBenderWill____TheAuntSheilaHumor_FetishTQKaTT________UrbanDouchebagLittlestSlobo
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    LittlestSloboSpanishRantTingySpufferpuff76______
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I feel like Russia today, resource-wise. My largest export has been natural gas.

    • 10
    • FAVS
    altheneThe_DorksterSirBenderWill____5hanersLittlestSlobowaydybeepufferpuff76______ColoChiver
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    steverudyk
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    "You can't spell sex without ex" -- my ex's attempt to get some recycle play

    • 9
    • FAVS
    althenedavidlohThe_DorksterSirBenderWill____TheAuntSheilaAntonChirguUrbanDouchebagpufferpuff76______
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    AntonChirgupufferpuff76______
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    When I misspelled Confidential, you suggested Confident Tail? Autocorrect, sometimes I want to buy you dinner & introduce you to my friends.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    Livewire3791davidlohaaCotyaaAceso76TheJediJeffihatejoelwatsonThe_Dorkster
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    TheJediJeffalphasub_plug____
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Good day! I want to go home & make love to my husband! But, he doesn't exist. Not sure making love exists either. Back to feminazi state...

    • 8
    • FAVS
    kellysolodukaThe_DorksterSirBenderWill____briangaarpineappleiheartmomma0315She_and_MeRiskProfessor____
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Me: Quit with the OCD!!
    Friend: I will once I GET EVERYTHING JUST RIGHT!

    • 7
    • FAVS
    The_DorksterSirBenderWill____5hanersLittlestSloboColoChiverpineappleiheartAspersioncast
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    pineappleiheart
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    I think ppl are misusing the past participle pluperfect of the infinitive to can as some kind of a noun nickname.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    SvedishChefKatarinaKrizThe_DorksterClassy_Cassy89____
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    ppenniiKatarinaKrizThe_Dorkster
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    My boss always walks in on times like, "girl, ask him to eat pineapple!" but not when I'm furiously typing. (typing on Twitter, but still!)

    • 7
    • FAVS
    davidlohThe_DorksterSirBenderWill____pufferpuff76______LittlestSloboauguststuarttheballedtruth
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    If you gave me anything, I could lose it in my house for 3 days. Not bragging abt my average-size house, just sharing my superpower.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    The_DorksterSirBenderWill____LittlestSloboThe_Pinkhairpineappleiheartcynicuhl
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    steverudyk
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    A fun thing to hear at work is "people having fun in here? We can't have that!" Yea, I bet you have no friends at home, too, Mr. Party.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Livewire3791Aceso76TheJediJeffThe_Dorksterpeachgrenade
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheJediJeff
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Mr Nerd Repairman, the way u hyperfocus & brainstorm w/ intense creative determination all scream that your GF never has to fake it.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    The_DorksterSirBenderWill____AntonChirguLittlestSlobopufferpuff76______peachgrenade
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    Welcome To The Jungle #InappropriateWeddingSongs

    • 5
    • FAVS
    The_DorksterLittlestSloboColoChiverpineappleiheartCartoonzian
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Cartoonzian
  • DrollDoll
      Droll Doll @DrollDoll

    #EveryFamilyHas to endure old epic stories that are just old, not epic

    • 4
    • FAVS
    The_DorksterCoalsBurnHottjeremy_ymerej23__gadflies__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    gadflies__________
@DrollDoll

@DrollDoll

I use a lot of napkins.