Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Dear people buying laundry hampers at this store: why are you living in a house without floors?!
FB girls: "I hope the red team wins today. They're my BF's fav team." Twitter girls: "FUCK'S WRONG W/YOU! CAN'T THROW A SIMPLE 5-YARD OUT!?"
The saddest part of my entire day is when I listen to the radio and hear the PSA pleading Americans to walk.
I never feel more powerful than when I feel the tiny pops of acorns being crushed under my car as I drive through a parking lot.
If you could do me a favor and turn this big block of cheese into smaller shreds that are easier to melt that would be grate.
Had a self-awareness blast eating greasy chips & reading a pretty model’s twitter. Next up I’ll browse BMW catalogs in the unemployment line
“Oh, the backup QB is supposed to come in for the first time in forever and lead the home team to victory? How cliched.” -Cynical Wallace
If I had Hitler, Stalin, and Bin Laden in a room with a gun with only one bullet I would shoot exercise.
This was my 25,000th tweet. Put it in the history books. Word. For. Word.
Turned on the TV, literally the first thing I saw was a black guy rapping on Divorce Court, proving that Daytime TV is worse than 500 KKK’s
Hey, ladies: I’m not fat. I just provide bonus coverage.
Did you hear about the dwarf psychic convict who escaped prison and is on the lam? Police put a BOLO out for a small medium at large.
Car ran out of wiper fluid. Most disorienting experience ever. I'm not even sure how to buy more. It doesn't just come from recycled rain?!
I just learned that my favorite DQ menu item is 750 calories. Knowing in which position I was conceived would be less damaging to me :-(
Texting the question "Are you busy?" to my mom was exceedingly stressful for me. I was worried that autocorrect would throw a T in there.
The Quick and the Deadmau5 #WorstWesternsEver
I lead the #CommercialGirlDraft, work in pajamas, listen to AM radio, and obsess over new wave music. I clearly have a lot of reasons to be proud of myself.