Spider, unless you're Andrew Garfield, you don't have permission to crawl all over me.

"Everyone's a Beyoncé fan." -- the only true thing that anyone in the Romney family has ever said and it was in an SNL skit

"I like people that like me." Robert DeNiro and I share the same life philosophy

If Jay-Z didn't propose with "Beyoncé, will you be my feyoncé?" then he does not deserve her

i dont understand you people that can think about harry potter and not cry

dats right hedwigs theme making me cry since 2001

I actually take it really personally when people don't think Leonardo DiCaprio is attractive.

While people are out winning Grammys, my town set record for world's longest BLT sandwich ever made so we know who the real champion is here

My school was named after a meat slicer and I have a really hard time understanding the people that take themselves seriously there

OMG OMG OMG I JUST MET JK ROWLING

HOLY RECTAL FEEDBACK @hazeigrace JUST WROCKED IT AT LEAKY STARS

there's a special circle of hell for teachers that assign work over vacations

I'm eating pizza in London, and I'd like to thank not only God but also Jesus

Is this not the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?? pic.twitter.com/sgEQLK7t

Good thing that I don't go to award shows because I don't think I'd be able to contain myself in a room full of all of these hot people

This is your daily reminder that irony and coincidence are two different things and should not be used interchangeably.

I just can't imagine myself walking down the aisle to any song other than Fergalicious, ya know?

I don't know what's more confusing -- how Stonehenge was created or how The Big Bang Theory gets such good ratings

I burned my hand on macaroni & cheese, and now I know how Caesar felt when Brutus stabbed him in the back.

I have to compare other people's love for Jesus to my love for Harry Potter. Sacrilegious, but it's the only thing that helps me understand