I don't need to drink to have Fun but it is Absolutely Crucial for me to drink to forget all that Fun. that I now regret.

when I get home from the grocery store beer goes in the fridge first. does milk even need to be cold?

all my shorts are boy shorts.

Took apart the fan like I know what I'm doing but really I like destroying things. Like friendships, relationships, pirate ships.

Nothing stresses me more than that moment I HAVE to put my phone down because I need Two Hands to toothpaste my toothbrush

@mspiedra oh. I'm just breathing fire. As I do.

Real Men have Read Receipts Enabled.

Rabbit: Chicken of the Prairie

Unfollowing @gruber is the new SNL used to be funnier

All Czechs are Republicans.

@googlenexus Fibonacci!!! Monday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Friday 1, 1, 2, 3, 5

This sums up our entire relationship:
me:"target doesn't carry my shaving cream anymore!!!"
her:"you've been looking at facewash for 10 min"

My new years resolution is to be @yesitismatt for Halloween '10. I'm starting now.
http://twitpic.com/wghqe

hooo-ray!
Gladiator 2: Can Russell Swing a Sword or What!?
http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/robinhood/

Hi! Do you KNOW Jim Donnelly?!

http://pics.blameitonthevoices.com/s.php?f=122009&p=jim_donnelly.jpg

Sure IN THEORY y2k was supposed to be a disaster but it took 8 years IRL for banks to lose your money.

And this: "finally true bipartisanship based on the words of our president, beyond creed, class, color: everyone hates kanye"

I don't have my glasses but is this drew + SO http://twitpic.com/h7o1l

@xbonzaix the WORLDS LARGEST HD JUMBOTRON! Byaaaaaaahhhhh!

Hrm. The Cowboys best punt blocker is extremely expensive, object of lust among fanboys and... Inhuman.