Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I screamed at two guys this morning who rang my doorbell, who then ran off. Not sure if they were Jehovah Witnesses or from Team Followback.
A really good friend told me his idea for a graphic novel. So I killed him.
Yeah, I'm shallow, I only want to be with you because you are kind, loving, funny, gorgeous, sensuous, sexy & like a wild animal in heat.
I've committed to not drunk tweet tonight about Adele finding a boyfriend, despite that I love her with my whole heart. :(
My brother told me once that mom likes me better. Told him that wasn't true, as she doesn't like him at all. (My mom laughed at that!)
A true gentleman never mentions anal sex, unless the naughty girl insists.
When I'm feeling sentimental I get out my albums & look at the photos of my ex-wives; I just wish they hadn't cut me out of the photos.
I think it is adorable when you ladies say you are "feeling stabby" in your tweets. However, it does make my scars itch.
I'd rather read tweets by the people I follow involving their intestinal updates, rather than tweets of caucuses, primaries, or the election
Am I kidding nobody when I rotate between four different bars so that the bartenders don't think I'm a drunk? Related: Why do I care?
My ratio of @ replies goes up when I am drunk out of my mind, but they're still funny, even when I'm sober. (Well, maybe not to you.)
I don't care my attorney told me to be quiet: I am starting to think that Team Follow Back is a cult!
My therapist told me I need to stop imagining the subtweets on Twitter are about me. (She didn't need to also say, "get over yourself!")
Well, I found out what kegels are, and I'm a fan!
It's difficult to tell you in 140 characters how beautiful, funny, and sexy you are, but I'll try.
My boss knows I won't get any work done until my Valium prescription runs out. My plan for tomorrow is laughing babies videos on YouTube
My Twitter Daily Affirmation: Every day, in every way, I'm tweeting better and better. (Doggone it, people like me!)
BTW, how do you get a tattoo of an avi removed from your neck? Asking for a friend.
I have Twitter integrity in that I only star worthwhile tweets; unless you're smoking hot in your avi & then I star everything you tweet.
Just out of curiousity, how many of you have been told not to belch between tests? Please describe your community service work.