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It is SO satisfying when a tweet is perfectly formed at exactly 140 characters without having to make any changes buzzard cheesecake handle.
A good friend is like a good bra; comfortable, supportive and willing to hold your tits all day.
"What do we want?"
"When do we want it?
Why hasn't Pete Doherty shortened his name in the style of J-Lo.
Blowjob Tip: Give more of them.
My dentist told me I need a crown.
AT LAST ~ SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME.
The real problem with porn is that it gives completely unrealistic expectations of how easy it is to get a plumber.
Get your Benedict Cumberbatch name by taking your favourite order of monks, adding a limitation & bread roll. Mine's Cistercian Restraincob.
What I lack in vocabulary I make up for in stuff.
Didn't have access to twitter earlier so I started following some random person around telling them about my sex life & showing them my arse
You people who have locked Twitter accounts, do you keep your monopoly money in a safe too?
Discovering the happily ever after. Proficient wanker.
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