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Having kids hasn't stopped us from doing anything we used to do.
We still do the same stuff, it's just ruined.
It is SO satisfying when a tweet is perfectly formed at exactly 140 characters without having to make any changes buzzard cheesecake handle.
A good friend is like a good bra; comfortable, supportive and willing to hold your tits all day.
"What do we want?"
"When do we want it?
Blowjob Tip: Give more of them.
My dentist told me I need a crown.
AT LAST ~ SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME.
The real problem with porn is that it gives completely unrealistic expectations of how easy it is to get a plumber.
Get your Benedict Cumberbatch name by taking your favourite order of monks, adding a limitation & bread roll. Mine's Cistercian Restraincob.
What I lack in vocabulary I make up for in stuff.
Didn't have access to twitter earlier so I started following some random person around telling them about my sex life & showing them my arse
You people who have locked Twitter accounts, do you keep your monopoly money in a safe too?
"There, their, they're" ~ how to comfort a pedant.
"What do we want?" "Less pedants" "When do we want it?" "FEWER"
The difference between being complimented or offended by male attention, is how attractive they are.
Discovering the happily ever after.
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