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Blowjob Tip: Give more of them.
Didn't have access to twitter earlier so I started following some random person around telling them about my sex life & showing them my arse
You people who have locked Twitter accounts, do you keep your monopoly money in a safe too?
"What do we want?" "Less pedants" "When do we want it?" "FEWER"
The difference between being complimented or offended by male attention, is how attractive they are.
When my kid is old enough to ask about how he was made I'll tell him the truth.
"Not enough lube for a butt fuck"
Guys if your girl won't try anal you may just need a better lube.
Start gently with a couple of pairs of shoes and progess to a handbag.
We haven't let kids stop us from doing anything we used to do. We still do the same stuff, it's just ruined.
Get your Benedict Cumberbatch name by taking your favourite order of monks, adding a limitation & bread roll. Mine's
Xanex: Worrier Princess.
Tomorrow is the date that sound engineers have been waiting for all century.
When a friend confessed she enjoyed anal, I delightedly told her I too loved being fucked up the arse. Turns out she likes making lists.
Are you aware it's National Awareness awareness day? Anything you can do to raise awareness of awareness will help people to be more aware.
Three stages of a relationship: 1)pretend to like their music. 2)pretend to like their friends. 3)pretend to like them.
If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.
Her:What are you doing? Me: I'm on Twitter. Her: Isn't that where people tell you what they're having for lunch? Me:Yup. It's just like that