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"Oh man, I'm having a blast! My period ROCKS! Let's rock climb & have laughter in restaurants! I'm so myself right now!"
"What's it gonna be today, hon? Shy civil war re-enactor or sexy ghost?"
-Jack White's stylist
"Where my ladies who hate sentences that end with prepositions at?!"
A Laura Ingalls in the streets and a Laura Ingalls Wilder in the sheets.
"Whoa! I did NOT expect that noise!!"
Who gave girls in fedoras permission?
I want every product from every commercial where dubstep is playing.
Reasons I should not have had 1 night stand with mermaid:
1.Apartment now smells like bait shop
2.Scales all over sheets
3.She was a bitch
Nachos are the Ed Hardy wearing guy quoting The Hangover who is gross but you need to make out with him of the snack world.
Kim Jong Un is basically Francis from Pee Wee's Big Adventure.
"Let's go ahead and build some non-functioning ears onto it, bro."
-BatMan to his mask designer
I bet the scary girl who climbs out of the television in "The Ring" climbs out of Mitt Romney's mouth when he's sleeping.
She's up all night with a gun
I'm up all night with some nuns
She's up all night on the run
We're up all night to kill Chucky
Are we never gonna discuss Fat Albert's friend who wore a sweater on his whole face?
2 bone-chilling facts of this world:
1. serial killers are real
2. LOTS of people love country songs about "gettin' by the best you can"
Invitations to LinkedIn feel like invitations to have turd sandwiches in a gas station bathroom with Hitler.
Siri, is it weird that it's easier for me to decide which tween boy from Stand By Me I am than which character I am from Sex and the City?
Haha vampires you never get to check your hair
"Dudes, let's name our company something that highlights everything we don't want people to think about our dicks."
-Creators Of Microsoft
It's surprisingly fun to call your mom bro.
actress, improviser, writer, groundling, kind of like if dally from the outsiders had a baby with one of the nice aliens from galaxy quest