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i overheard my boyfriend on the phone saying 'this chick blows' ..then he laughed - i quietly cried inside but did not stop sucking his cock
have you ever shown up a bit drunk to a party and shouted 'who wants to get fucked!' at the same time you realize it is your family reunion?
sometimes in the kitchen i will shake an open bottle of creamy italian dressing just so i don't forget what it's like giving a hand job
anyone else have trouble sleeping at night for fear that the rhythm really is gonna get you?
sometimes when i'm bored at work i put a leg up on my desk and just tug on my labia until someone notices
if i told you i had big tits would you hold me against you?
*buttered* that's how i roll
is it creepy if the woman you just meet dedicates and sings 'i wanna know what love is' to you as you drink in a bar? (asking for a friend)
damn neighborhood delinquents....one of them changed the H to a T in my 'I Would Rather Be Fishing' bumper sticker...
does my 'penetrate me please' tshirt make me look available or desperate? (asking before i go to church)
ladies - did your moms also hand you carpet cleaner when you asked her what to do when you had that 'not so fresh feeling' or just mine?
i follow you - i'm not in your fucking fan club - - please do not treat me like that
some of you i would totally invite over right now to drink...smoke...and have sex with
i wouldn't mind a bit of unnecessary roughness ;)
just tried searching the boss's office for oxycontin and found a huge hidden snack drawer
i have my own sort of leaderboard here at twitter - i just call mine a "to do" list.
until i get my vibrating bullet i plan to shove cadbury eggs in my vagina and see how long it takes to get to THAT creamy center or ...cluck
all pride is gone when you have a nurse and a trainee between your legs giving you a catheter and you haven't had a shower.
do men realize they make the same face when they jerk off as we make when we put on our mascara?
guys, if you told a woman her vagina smelled fishy and she replied 'i use fish sticks to masturbate with' - is that a deal breaker?
i'm not into married people..i'm single and ready to mingle (with other singles) what? this isn't adult friend finders? gimme a minute then....