i overheard my boyfriend on the phone saying 'this chick blows' ..then he laughed - i quietly cried inside but did not stop sucking his cock

have you ever shown up a bit drunk to a party and shouted 'who wants to get fucked!' at the same time you realize it is your family reunion?

sometimes in the kitchen i will shake an open bottle of creamy italian dressing just so i don't forget what it's like giving a hand job

anyone else have trouble sleeping at night for fear that the rhythm really is gonna get you?

sometimes when i'm bored at work i put a leg up on my desk and just tug on my labia until someone notices

if i told you i had big tits would you hold me against you?

*buttered* that's how i roll

is it creepy if the woman you just meet dedicates and sings 'i wanna know what love is' to you as you drink in a bar? (asking for a friend)

damn neighborhood delinquents....one of them changed the H to a T in my 'I Would Rather Be Fishing' bumper sticker...

does my 'penetrate me please' tshirt make me look available or desperate? (asking before i go to church)

ladies - did your moms also hand you carpet cleaner when you asked her what to do when you had that 'not so fresh feeling' or just mine?

i follow you - i'm not in your fucking fan club - - please do not treat me like that

some of you i would totally invite over right now to drink...smoke...and have sex with

i wouldn't mind a bit of unnecessary roughness ;)

just tried searching the boss's office for oxycontin and found a huge hidden snack drawer

i have my own sort of leaderboard here at twitter - i just call mine a "to do" list.

until i get my vibrating bullet i plan to shove cadbury eggs in my vagina and see how long it takes to get to THAT creamy center or ...cluck

all pride is gone when you have a nurse and a trainee between your legs giving you a catheter and you haven't had a shower.

do men realize they make the same face when they jerk off as we make when we put on our mascara?

guys, if you told a woman her vagina smelled fishy and she replied 'i use fish sticks to masturbate with' - is that a deal breaker?