If you shit in your sock before you fuck it, it's just like anal.

I just shaved my pubes for the first time in my life and it turns out that I have a vagina.

I make my kids watch M*A*S*H* because I had to watch that shit when I was little.

Why do all my customers insist on seeing my manager?

I really need to move out of my Mom's house so I can sniff somebody else's panties.

I'm gonna pay a visit to all your Farmvilles and bang your sheep.

Please follow me. Please follow me to my van.

"Almost."~ Me trying to suck my own cock.

Some douchehole yells "get a job" to me while I was walking to work.

I can't believe that my best tweet ever is about shitting in a sock.

My girlfriend farted while I was going down on her. I said "Ahhhh, fresh air!"

Thanks for all the new follows. When I get out of the joint I'm gonna pay each and everyone of you a personal visit.

Do that upside down Spider Man kiss with my wiener.

Correct me if I'm wrong but you play with a clit the same way you would shoot a marble, right?

I wish I would have read some of your guys' inspirational tweets before I got this tatoo.

My pubes are longer than my dick.

Every time I tweet on facebook I get banned for 7 days.

Do you know how hard it is to cook meth in this weather?

I've yet to lose a rap battle with a Walmart greeter.

I spent Easter with your seaster.