Popular Recent Faved By Given
Friends: 255
Followers: 311
Favs Given: 1,153
Favs Rec'd: 1,022
@EggSoup's (Uninterestingly Me) most faved Tweets...
EggSoup
No matter how much I drink, you stay stupid.
@EggSoup
EggSoup
Star = Dry hump
RT = BJ
Follow = Together Forever
# FF mention = Honeymooning
Unfollow = Divorce
Block = Restraining Order

Please BJ
@EggSoup
EggSoup
So, if I get the job at Walmart...
do I pull my own teeth out,
or does it happen during orientation?
@EggSoup
EggSoup
Some employers seem pretty strict about using social media at the work place.

Hold on, guy is still telling me rules.
Worst interview ever.
@EggSoup
EggSoup
My Boss: "Count on working weekends, we're understaffed and you're the only one qualified to run it all."

I hear: Its ok to come in drunk.
@EggSoup
16
Bombmom1vinnieJenSciFiTerriSueWhonuskukambrockbytErrantSlappNuttztwilighteyes08MVANARS1amuirinendogeekPinche_RoostermoegreebTPHDnavanax
EggSoup
Made a List. Added myself. Party of 1.
@EggSoup
16
Lola_Palooza234woohookambrockbytErrantStillDrewbedheadblondeJenSciFiFussySaffaSlappNuttzoeninSuck_A_Ducktwilighteyes08redtothetoneendogeeknavanaxamuirin
EggSoup
Guess what's fun! Talking about finances with your wife while unemployed. Oh, and stabbing a fork into your balls. I like that too.
@EggSoup
13
SassynicbitterpussfermentedgrapeskambrockamuirinWaldoFuddFussySaffajoesmithreallyredtothetonePinche_RoosterSlappNuttzmoegreebausharris73
EggSoup
"Beat meat until tender. Keep it moist for at least an hour, soaking in it's own juices."

This cookbook is turning me on.
@EggSoup
11
MVANARS1redtothetoneDoanDoDatSuck_A_DuckSilkPillowtwilighteyes08JenSciFitammyphinneyhas2b_christyvSlappNuttzamuirin
EggSoup
Britney
Money
Teeth Whitening
Work From Home
Team Jake
Sexy Singles
Justin Bieber

Sorry, trying to boost my follower count.

Now, we wait.
@EggSoup
11
Bombmom1TheBoshabytErrantkambrocklinajkJenSciFitwilighteyes08Pinche_RoosterSlappNuttzthesearedaysamuirin
EggSoup
"I don't FB, but I'm on Twitter."
"Oh, so you're attention deficient and needy."
"...Is that ok? Do you still like me? Can I get a star?"
@EggSoup
11
bytErrantbedheadblondeTerriSueWhoJenSciFiFussySaffatwilighteyes08has2b_christyvPinche_RoosterSlappNuttzamuirinTPHD
EggSoup
Fellas. Do you and your significant other have seperate cars? Which is yours? Check the glove compartment.

Tampons? Not your car anymore.
@EggSoup
10
TheBoshanavanaxoeninkambrockKnowShitSuck_A_Ducktwilighteyes08Pinche_RoosterSlappNuttzamuirin
EggSoup
New header on my résumé.

Formerly a night-shift wage-slave. Currently unemployed. Likely drunk. Save my marriage. Please hire me.
@EggSoup
10
TheBoshaskulllyamuirinoeninnavanaxSuck_A_Ducktwilighteyes08has2b_christyvPinche_RoosterSlappNuttz
EggSoup
Do you really think I care about rhetorical questions?
@EggSoup
10
bytErrantbedheadblondejorshuwahTerriSueWhoWaldoFuddJenSciFiFussySaffaPinche_RoosterSlappNuttzamuirin
EggSoup
My wife called, asked me to pick up some things.

Milk, bread, pregnancy test, toilet paper.

One of these things is not like the others.
@EggSoup
10
Spooky_JohnsonStillDrewbedheadblondeTerriSueWhoJenSciFitwilighteyes08has2b_christyvPinche_RoosterSlappNuttzamuirin
EggSoup
I'm feeling very Murphy today...
not the Eddie, but the Law...
@EggSoup
9
JeeNeeBeePunkrockieSlappNuttzkambrocklinajkDDDBUSmmytheCheVolaymoegreeb
EggSoup
I need a box of Samoa's and a glass of wine.

But I would settle for a Samoan bringing me a box of wine.
@EggSoup
9
kambrockBettyLieslucyspetPunkrockieJezebelTheGreatTerriSueWhoamuirinbeingtheotwilighteyes08
EggSoup
I just bought a whole PACKAGE of gold stars at the Dollar Store.
AND I'M STICKING 'EM WHEREVER I WANT!
#ballin'
@EggSoup
9
TheBoshaTerriSueWhokambrockchiclet_fermentedgrapestwilaritytwilighteyes08SlappNuttzamuirin
EggSoup
I've hit a writers block, so I'm eating bacon with my pants off, deciding which avatar to use while drinking this gin. On the toilet. Meme.
@EggSoup
8
navanaxBombmom1jorshuwahtammyphinneyTheBoshaJenSciFiSlappNuttzTPHD
EggSoup
"It says on your résumé you write."
"Yep."
"Anything published?"
"Yep."
"May I see?"
"Here's my timeline. All there."
"..."
"@EggSoup. Yep."
@EggSoup
8
amuirintwilighteyes08piercedbratTymethiefredtothetonenavanaxSuck_A_DuckSlappNuttz
EggSoup
Never bring a knife to a Twitter fight.
Because there's no one to stab except yourself.
@EggSoup
8
bitterpussTheBoshabedheadblondekambrockbytErrantJenSciFitwilighteyes08SlappNuttz
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