Just put real sugar in my coffee. Fuckin fancy.

I am running out of live people in my life.

Sometimes the conversations in my head are even awkward.

Can I do anything for you that doesn't require me to do too much?

Talking to cute guy at dog park. Coughed and peed. I'm way cooler online. xxx

“The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.” Martina Navratilova

People are fucking stupid.

Thank. You. Caller. I.D.

Hey guy checking me out with the baby seat in the back. Nah.

If nobody has told you yet today - I love you. xxx

I need to go wash my filthy mind. xxx

I just like road kill, I've been marries 3x, I like facial hair on men and ur tweets are funny:)

I may be getting weird. I bought my dog some collar accessories because she likes to look pretty. I need a man.

I need to go lock all my doors. Quietly. Now.

I'm a hopeless romantic.

Alot of walking for a butt!

You never shoot high with a women's age. I called him a cunt.

I just inadvertently burped at the bank drive up speaker. Real fuckin classy.

Holy shit Batman. I need some 3-dimensional people in my life. Where to look? Under the stairs? Crawlspace? Market?

Sometimes I don't translate well in 140 characters. I can say I am never intentionally hurtful. xxx