@EightBitsShort's (S Dub) most faved Tweets...
If I owned just ONE more pair of pants, the people in this laundromat would be feeling a lot more comfortable right now.
Dance like no one is watching.
Sing like no one is listening.
Tweet like no one is following.
Often, these are self-fulfilling prophecies.
Sing like no one is listening.
Tweet like no one is following.
Often, these are self-fulfilling prophecies.
"Are you a merkin?"
"A what?"
"A merkin."
"Are you trying to say American?"
"ARE YOU DEAF?"
Welcome to Texas, people.
"A what?"
"A merkin."
"Are you trying to say American?"
"ARE YOU DEAF?"
Welcome to Texas, people.
"What are your views on Genesis?"
"Are we about to discuss the Bible, the band, or Star Trek?"
She's a keeper, this one.
"Are we about to discuss the Bible, the band, or Star Trek?"
She's a keeper, this one.
"How did your Superman underwear end up in the ceiling fan?"
"What makes you think they're mine?"
"You live alone & you're wearing a cape."
"What makes you think they're mine?"
"You live alone & you're wearing a cape."
"Out of all my sisters, she's by far the best kisser."
If bus dude is going to listen in on my call, I might as well make it memorable.
If bus dude is going to listen in on my call, I might as well make it memorable.
Day 5 of Dad using the iPod I got him solely as a radio.
Now I know how he must have felt when I would play with the boxes my toys came in.
Now I know how he must have felt when I would play with the boxes my toys came in.
"If you were a dinosaur, you'd be a nagosaurus." "Do you *honestly* think that's funny?" "You bet Jurassic."
"Why do people think I'm gay?"
"You're watching Gilmore Girls."
"And?"
"And you're crying."
"BUT I'M WORRIED ABOUT RORY!"
"I rest my case."
"You're watching Gilmore Girls."
"And?"
"And you're crying."
"BUT I'M WORRIED ABOUT RORY!"
"I rest my case."
"GOOD LORD! PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!"
I guess "make yourself at home" means something different at mother-in-law's house.
I guess "make yourself at home" means something different at mother-in-law's house.
"I'm sorry, sir, but Walmart doesn't carry mullet wax. I doubt such a product even exists."
People, I smell gold.
People, I smell gold.
"Your cat's name is Cat?"
"It's easy to remember when I'm drunk."
"But you don't drink."
"I like having the option."
"It's easy to remember when I'm drunk."
"But you don't drink."
"I like having the option."
I wear the pants in THIS relationship.
So what if they're Capri pants?
So what if SHE picked them out?
Wait.
Never mind.
So what if they're Capri pants?
So what if SHE picked them out?
Wait.
Never mind.
"This movie *must* be good. It has Angela Lansbury."
And just like that, Mom lost her remote privileges.
And just like that, Mom lost her remote privileges.
I hate it when my imaginary wife & my imaginary girlfriend fight because Mom has no idea how many of us live in her basement.
"Your baby looks like a hobbit! That's SO FREAKING COOL!"
Not all thoughts need to be vocalized. Lesson learned.
Not all thoughts need to be vocalized. Lesson learned.
My buddy paid $900 to get a Journey cover band for his anniversary. I didn't have the heart to tell him the REAL band would've charged $450.
When @sween follows someone who follows someone ... who follows someone who follows you.
Six degrees of Canadian Bacon.
Six degrees of Canadian Bacon.
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