Eleventeen percent of people make up words.

Now preforming at home exorcisms, hourly rates apply, inquire within..

It's probably good Rebecca Black didn't actually catch her bus..She would have been have been overwhelmed by all the seating options.

Who's Your Daddy? Who's My Daddy? #seniorporntitles

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please

When one door closes, another opens.

Or you can open the closed door.
That's how doors work.

As Winston Churchill once said, "Wait a minute -- I never fucking said this."

I've been called cynical, twisted, pessimistic, lewd, obscene, crass, sick & even socially unacceptable.
My question is: What's your point?

I know how you feel. Uh no you don't because you're the one who is PISSING ME OFF!

Click your heels together 3 times and then go fuck yourself

oldest cut the youngest's hair. gave her "moe" bangs. Told youngest to punch oldest

It's Monday and I've already had my visit from the Fuck You Fairy

Grandma saw your facebook page. Now she knows you're a whore.

Ariel in The Little Mermaid was a Hoarder. A&E needs to do an episode on that

Today is National Panic Day. Run around all day in a panic, telling others you can't handle it anymore

"I'm in prison because I murdered & ate some people. What about you?" "Pirating Nickelback albums."
"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SICKO!"

Oh the weather outside is frightful..but the fire is so.....FIRE...SHIT THERE'S A FIRE!

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.

When life hands you melons, you know you're dyslexic.

It's all fun and games til they open up the trunk!