@woodmuffin Cash Cab for Cutie

I'm convinced that @soupinatrix subsists entirely on sporadic power naps or is a vampire. Either way, she's in no need of beauty sleep.

Agent Cooper will stare at you with a detached horror and utter, "It is my firm belief that @gabetwee's secrets run deep as this lake."

@buzzfeed Hey, I dug up some 90's nostalgia for you today. http://t.co/OuBfnItY #The90sAreAllThat

@camelghost WHAT IS A MAN?! A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF SECRETS!

Future Headstone: I make awesome decisions and live with the consequences. #fb

@woodmuffin I'm an expert in compliments no one knows how to take. Like when I told my homeboy his mom has a great mouth.

Tuna salad and Munchos. The Friday night that nobody wanted, but that I took in.

Never stop twee-ing, @gabetwee.

@gabetwee! You and your friend are so pretty!

BREAKING: #Rape distances self from #ToddAkin describing the MO representative's comments as "incendiary" and "what the actual fuck?"

HOLY FUCK @gabetwee, YOU'RE FOLLOWED BY @barackobama.

" @jessicaredfield was going to be a sportscaster, and she was going to be a good one." http://t.co/dNPoB89b

@gabetwee 10,000 bros in khakis, polo caps and cross trainers erecting simultaneous hate boners in...3...2...1...

@gabetwee Tell your dog I said Hi.

@gabetwee Unrelated: I'm going to insult everyone on the road with "DID YOUR MOTHER BREASTFEED YOU UNTIL YOU WERE 10?"

A touching new video from instrumental indie rockers #SleepMaps that chronicles our history via protest footage. http://t.co/B5IQ1K6E

@gabetwee good luck. The Internet won't be as cool without you.

@gabetwee shopping list? Or terrible throwback nu-metal album you've been meaning to buy?

@gabetwee my Americanos bought me free glasses (valued at $200) and a free tune-up (same person). Bored people with $.