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Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for using a model who looks like her. Go ahead and read that twice and then roll your eyes.
If you don't want Mexicans in "your" country, stop drinking Coronas on their holiday.
"Japan looks a lot like China."--Announcer who might be racist.
If Neil Patrick Harris and Jim Parsons started dating, they would take over the universe.
Saying the death of Osama Bin Laden is the death of terrorism is like saying the election of Barack Obama was the end of racism.
In case you're wondering, The Great Gatsby is a steaming pile of overly-stylized horseshit. Leo was good. The film, not so much.
Waiting for Trump to request Bin Laden's long form death certificate.
I started an actual arcade fire. Your move, hipsters.
6th Avenue Heartache is one of the best songs ever.
Steve Jobs announces Apple has purchased the concept of "team" so now there is an "i" in "iTeam." Sorry, sports cliche fans.
You can never really explain to someone what a song means to you.
How has Pizza Hut not taken that Depeche Mode song and changed it to "Your own...personal...pizza..."? Advertising gold.
The country hasn't been this united in celebration since Sanjaya was voted off American Idol. #BinLaden
If you're having sex when the time changes, do you get to add that hour to your total time? Like "Man, I went for an hour and two minutes!"
For V-Day, was thinking about drinking alone & naked, but that seems selfish, so I'm going to do it at Olive Garden & ruin everyone's dates.
Writer, procrastinator and all around son-of-a-bitch. If someone doesn’t invent a goddamn time machine soon, I’m gonna start World War III.