Damn girl are you a cold sore? Because I get you. Did I do this right?

Life is too short to apologize to a bunch of strangers for a bunch of jokes that were written for fun and games.

Go fuck yourself

I’d be a great Twitter troll, I always start shit I can’t finish & I don’t really like that many people.

@bubblesbarct FB Acc, blocked by CAPE TOWN PRIDE 4 ABUSIVE CONTENT for sharing Dennis David's letter about AGM! @elephart @justinstyleroom

@elephart Thank you so so so so so much for the lovely trophy! Sorry for my belated thanks. I'm a idiot. Plain and simple!

To do: Don't doubt someone when they pay you a compliment today, just say thank you 💐

I racked up $3700 in lap dances this month. Which is still cheaper than dating.

Thought I was listening to the new Skrillex album, but it turns out there's been an ambulance behind me for half an hour.

Until the police are called I just assume it's consensual.

I spend a lot of time among the trees and diving in ponds. It's either that, or buy new golf balls.

Not sure if I can Tweet tonight without my cue cards.

Nancy Grace is the poster child for women everywhere who need to get laid.

Happiness is contagious, and I'll go to almost any length to avoid it.

My signature move? He's definitely the one... No wait, no he's not. Well ok maybe he is. Nope, no definitely not.

Silence is my greatest mentor.

It's sad that altruism is so damn expensive.

I grew this tweet in a lab.

Saddle up folks, everyday is judgement day

No matter what the storm, life forces you to keep fighting, so fight. You're good enough and worth it for you are a battle worth winning.

McHappy Day McAssholes!