ME TOO!! ITS LIKE WHEN YOUR DAD HELPED GET O.J. OFF!! RT @kimkardashian: WHAT!!??!! CASEY ANTHONY NOT GUILTY!!!! I'm speechless!!!

I feel bad for Kourtney Jong-Il and Khloe Jong-Il right now :(

Boston Police just poured cooler full of clam chowder on the chief's head

The average wife of Paul McCartney has 1.667 legs

Closed Caption on FOX News mistakenly reports #Watertown suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev as...Zooey Deschanel: pic.twitter.com/qtihb4IZLo

Like elections. RT @scottkwalker: Not worried about the impact of weather on GOP Convention. We're Republicans - we fix things. #GOP2012

If Obama and Romney switched hair... #Debate2012 http://t.co/5VEpMXx1

Burger King's full name was Burger Luther King Jr.

Weird! Your iPhone auto-corrected 'giant black dicks' to 'Miami'. RT @kimkardashian: Just landed! Ready to take Miami all weekend!!!

Romney can fit 47% of his foot in his mouth #RomneyEncore

She sells seashells WHERE? By the seashore?? Pretty fucking horrible business plan IMHO.

"Not Olive Garden" RT @olivegarden: If you had to describe Italian food in three words, what would they be?

You misspelled 'music'. RT @justinbieber: Worst birthday

Clint Eastwood on the phone with Obama now: "It all went according to plan, my lord." #RNC

Kourtney Kardashian named her daughter 'Penelope Scotland Disick'. In a related story, Scotland intends to change name of country ASAP.

My Uncle Teddy would have been 65 years old today... But he was born in October 1941 - he'll be 71 next month.

I didn't realize Mad Men took place several decades ago until I saw the scene where Don Draper checks his Myspace account

Chris Brown's publicist finally figured out his Twitter password

J.R.R. Tolkien's full name was 'Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien'

#RomneyRyan2012 - "Because there's nothing more compatible than Mormonism and the philosophy of Ayn Rand"