Still can't believe the Beatles let a baby drive their car

"So, is there a Jason MRSaz?"

Who's your favorite Weight Watchers spokesperson whose entire family was murdered? Mine's probably Jennifer Hudson.

Unscramble 'Dzhokhar Tsarnaev' to get the name of the Boston bomber!

I admit I thought cloning Wanda Sykes 10,000 times was a dumb idea, but looks like the TSA managed to hire all of them

When 'Mad Men' ends I hope Christina Hendricks' character gets a spin-off show called 'The Woman Who Became a Nude Trampoline Jumper'

The most impressive thing about 'The Matrix' is Keanu is only like the 7th or 8th worst actor in it

Worst birthday

69

J.R.R. Tolkien's full name was 'Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien'

*posts a five-word tweet*

Ugh. I still keep writing "Pope Benedict will never resign" on all my checks.

THIS IS NOT A FUGAZI TWEET

In her prime, Marlee Matlin was drop deaf gorgeous

.@nypost If Matthew Broderick is ever busted masturbating in public your headline should be "FERRIS BUELLER'S J OFF" #freebie

"I have the same number of first names as I do eyes that don't work" - Ray Charles

I'm fat, but I'm not "performing a medley of 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' and 'What a Wonderful World' on ukelele" fat.

5-year-old daughter just vomited all over me. She's so "punk rock"!

I predict this tweet will get 5 or more "Favstar Tweet of the Day" trophies

Have you played Angry Byrds? You throw heroin-filled needles at David Crosby's arm to calm him down during a violent coke binge.