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There's no I in anxiety. Wait. Yes there is. Oh my god oh my god oh my god
Just saw a dolphin with a tattoo of a college girl struggling for individuality and freedom from her middle class parents
My soy milkshake brings all the hipsters to the used record store.
You down with A.D.D.? Yeah you kn
If you don't know the difference between breath and breathe, maybe hold off on those inspirational quotes
Shark Week is just another made up holiday to sell more sharks
If you accidentally get stuck holding the door for a bunch of people. 1. Relax 2. Accept your fate 3. You are part of the building now
Miley Cyrus's performance is what would happen if a lower back tattoo came to life
Probably the yoga pose I'm best at is sobbing in the bathtub
The yoga pose I'm best at is Downward Facing Spiral
The Lady and the Tramp spaghetti kiss scene except it's me, alone, eating a Hot Pocket over my sink
I think my abs look pretty good for a mother of 2 kids.
I don't have kids.
Find out if the NSA is listening to your call by singing SWEET CAROLINE and if more than one voice responds with bum bum bum THEN YOU KNOW
Buying a home? Make sure to ask yourself: Is it worth it? Can you work it? Then put your thang down flip it and reverse it.
Playing the Canadian version of Angry Birds. It's called: Sorry-for-the Misunderstanding Birds.
Guys, you won't believe this but I just saw a centaur with the head of a horse!
It's such a beautiful day today that I'm wondering why the hell I'm wasting it on twitter and not Google Earth
I'm on my "Cut my own bangs" glass of wine
Big deal, iPhone 5s. Android also has a security feature that prevents theft. It's called: Being an Android Phone
I write and produce stuff. Sometimes I act in stuff too