If you like one-liners and fart jokes, you're in the right place.

Wake me up when knickers are back in style.

And to think I almost showed you my nipple collection.

You can call me Johnny Brastrap.

Or don't...but please do..

Why am I scared of the raccoons in my backyard?
Because they have cute little clean hands to scratch my beautiful FACE off with maybe??

I want to stop praying for my wine to refill itself but I just can't.

What do we want??

I don't know, I wasn't listening!!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT??

I DONT KNOW, I WASN'T LISTENING!!

Last night I saw a raccoon eating an old corn cob on my back stairs and I'm just not that tough so I ran back inside.

I got two problems and you're both of 'em.

Just let me have a little bit of your skin. It's for um science.

Go ahead. TRY to ignore my burp beat boxing.

Dare you to fold my laundry..

An all women's bar called The Bitch and Moan.

If Gramma comes in my room and turns the light on ONE more time, I

Lemme hit that sippy cup, player.

HAHAHA lemme me!! Oh Ellice, you funny, funny pukefart.

Lemme me hit that sippy cup, player.

You have the CUTEST accent EVER! But still, shut up.

Peein' in the pool like I own the place.