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For the love of God, why wasn't I born into a wealthy, eccentric family?
I'm now officially certain that I spend too much time on Twitter. Not only did I dream about some of you freaks, but I woke up smiling.
The fat free Pringles aren't soaking up the alcohol as I anticipated.
He snores in my ear & I don't feel compelled to suffocate him. If that's not love, I don't know what is.
The bird that takes dictation on the Flintstones moves more expediently than my brand new laptop. Fuck.
Totally stoked that I am no longer relegated to reading the ingredients of my shampoo as I poop. Technology & Twitter rock.
17 feels if she's not asleep, neither should I be. She didn't wash down Prozac w/Moscato or get banged like a drum last night...I assume.
My plan for this evening? Get myself inebriated & master asexual reproduction.
Texted myself a shopping list. Checked when phone went off a second later. Forgot I texted myself. If you have secrets, they're safe w/me.
Not sure if the cats outside my apartment are fighting or being violated. I question because of the sounds emanating from me last night.
There should be a statute of limitations on hangovers.
17's resume will reflect many skills, with her most adept skill being superior cockblocker.
One thing I can do spectacularly well is fuck up something good. I excel at that.
Had to explain to 17 why I don't vomit while intoxicated. I possess 20 years of experience. She's jealous.
I thoroughly enjoy revisiting the previous evening's tweets in order to have a written record of how inebriated I was.
Very blessed and thankful my soldier is home even if there are those that begrudge me that sliver of happiness.
Wasn't aware that being a mistress could be so emotionally debilitating. Just notating that for a friend.
Tried waking 17 up to accompany me to Mommy's. I was advised to shut the fuck up. She says the sweetest things to me.
I should probably practice personal hygiene prior to going to Mommy's just in case they recognize the sex scent after all these years.
Polly Anna is a dirty whore. A bit jaded these days, but my shoe collection makes me grin like the Cheshire cat. And then came SSG...