Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If pigs could fly they would be all, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
I'm drinking piña colada and my mother in law has just eaten her tea using a fork we use to dish the cats food up with.
If you haven't seen enough talentless dickheads for one evening, Paddy McGuinness is on after the break
Fuck it, I'm faving my own tweets even if you dicks don't.
Remember last year when i looked out my window & someone had stuck a lifesize wooden cross in the hill across from my flat & i shit a brick.
Q: What's the difference between ignorance and indifference?
A: I don't know and I don't care.
I met a mom who didn’t give her kids any sugar. I just fed mine gummy worms for breakfast. We’ll see who ends up in a nicer nursing home.
crumble & custard for pudding, splendid
I'm not funny all the time but when I am...
...I'm probably using humour to cope with some sort of emotional trauma.
I’m supporting Oxford as I went there. It was a bloody good hospital. Food was a bit rubbish though. Oh… you mean the university?
I engaged with people on here last night and expressed honest opinion.
I can only apologise.
I just bent down to pick up something while walking and kneed myself in the face because I’m a very rare and exceptional variety of idiot.
I'm sure I would feel much worse if I wasn't under such heavy sedation