Much less interesting tweet than the ones I posted when I was drunk a few hours ago.

We all have that voice inside our heads telling us right from wrong. For most people it's Oprah.

Preparing all my Eurovision tunes for the @gcnie party at Sugar Club later, will be playing plenty of classics n good cheesy pop.

Top Comedy Tip : Do your old jokes in a different accent and they will feel brand new to you & the club promoter.

In 1931, a 17-year-old girl signed a contract with a men’s minor league team and struck out Babe Ruth & Lou Gehrig.  http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/05/18/the-myth-of-jackie-mitchell-the-girl-who-struck-out-ruth-and-gehrig.html …

If you can't go have sex, then Twitter rants may be right for you.

But if you were so sexy you wouldn’t need to be hitting on girls on the Internet all day, sweetie xoxox

Please tell me you like me. Also, I might have had 1,000 alcoholic beverages.

Mr @tomdoorley is doing a nice thing - sharing which Irish restaurants let staff keep tips. #ff

Remember to appeal to a woman's caring nurturing nature. Piss and poop yourself. Say nothing. She knows what to do. It's Tidy Up Time.

Bravery is just fear with bigger balls.

CELEBRITY BABIES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVERYTHING ELSE

Google staff standing outside their Dublin office with balloons - STOP WITH THE NONSENSE

Stop whining. No one's here to make your life better. If you want something, go get it. If you need something, earn it. On your fucking own.

hey i've been away awhile and expected you to care

I really do care to much for my fellow human beings.. but turning cold & selfish is NOT as easy as you all make it seem.. how do you do it?

End it like Beckham.

Easy on the eye is nice,
But I prefer easy on my heart.

"If we had guns that shot chocolate, not only would our country be safer, it would be happier." - Joe Biden pic.twitter.com/znQ4OZPDlQ

If you find someone willing to accept you for you, don't let that stupid person go