Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Well that's just typical. I finally sober up. And it's Monday.
When a man is watching your lips as you talk. Oh the fuck yeah.
Envelopes wanna lick ME
I cut my own lawn, fix stuff, cook, make a pretty home, put out. Why am I single? Oh yeah because I have high standards. In vodka.
No, hang on..
What I lack in tits - I make up for with brains. That was a lie. I think? I'm confused. It hurts. Oh just look at my tits.
Put your dinkle in her tinkle make it twinkle then sprinkle.
Somedays you're a tweeter.
Somedays just a reader.
Somedays a broken soul,
Truly needs a breather.
I'm having a bad hair day. Thank god for this vagina.
U should NEVER have to convince someone to be with you or to love u.
Drugging them is totally cool nowadays. Now, just sniff this tweet
We all strive for the same enrichment in life. Health & happiness for our loved ones. & orgasms that render us unconscious. & cake. (bacon)
Yep. I put the me in shame. Frequently.
Monday, I want a divorce. I'm leaving you for Tuesday.
So when the hell is fuckbook gonna get with the programme & have 'Friends with copious amounts of sticky benefits' as a status? Waiting....
I don't know what to wear, a dress, a skirt, jeans, my whore sign?
Sex. I love it. That simple.
*million star tweet*
I looked super cool just now, haulin out my bin for collection. Late. In Jammies. Leather jacket. Cowboy boots. Face like a smashed crab.
Fuck just everywhere not me lick now why it
Rearrange and make your own dirty goddam tweet. Why do I have to do all the work?
My intelligence knows no bounds. No really, what's a bound? I write to-do lists adding things I've already done, cunt. My burps smell of Smirnoff. Standard.