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Well that's just typical. I finally sober up. And it's Monday.
When a man is watching your lips as you talk. Oh the fuck yeah.
Envelopes wanna lick ME
I cut my own lawn, fix stuff, cook, make a pretty home, put out. Why am I single? Oh yeah because I have high standards. In vodka.
What I lack in tits - I make up for with brains. That was a lie. I think? I'm confused. It hurts. Oh just look at my tits.
No, hang on..
I'm having a bad hair day. Thank god for this vagina.
Somedays you're a tweeter.
Somedays just a reader.
Somedays a broken soul,
Truly needs a breather.
Put your dinkle in her tinkle make it twinkle then sprinkle.
We all strive for the same enrichment in life. Health & happiness for our loved ones. & orgasms that render us unconscious. & cake. (bacon)
Yep. I put the me in shame. Frequently.
U should NEVER have to convince someone to be with you or to love u.
Drugging them is totally cool nowadays. Now, just sniff this tweet
So when the hell is fuckbook gonna get with the programme & have 'Friends with copious amounts of sticky benefits' as a status? Waiting....
Monday, I want a divorce. I'm leaving you for Tuesday.
I don't know what to wear, a dress, a skirt, jeans, my whore sign?
Sex. I love it. That simple.
*million star tweet*
Fuck just everywhere not me lick now why it
Rearrange and make your own dirty goddam tweet. Why do I have to do all the work?
When all else fails it's time for naked twister
I looked super cool just now, haulin out my bin for collection. Late. In Jammies. Leather jacket. Cowboy boots. Face like a smashed crab.
My intelligence knows no bounds. No really, what's a bound? Single mum of 3. My burps smell of Smirnoff. Standard.
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