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any pigeon you see without a note is a carrier pigeon from me and i'm ignoring you
How To Lose 240 Hours In 10 Days
i always get teary eyed when im chopping onions bc my dad died chopping onions & he was an onion & why did you have to bring it up anyways
my interview for the dishwasher position was going well until the pics of my sink full of peanut butter knives fell out of my briefcase
since i can't be everywhere at once just a quick open gesundheit to all my peeps who sneezed today love you guys
while my keytar gently beeps
if anybody's interested i'm carpooling to clown college & have 63 spots left
my gosh that urban dictionary is run by some bawdy folk
happy 25th birthday internet you don't look a day over mostly racist
They say that vertical stripes and dark clothing is slimming, but you probably shouldn't be eating clothes, and I love you.
do me a favour if you're ever about to go-go please just let me sleep thanks
ORDER IN THE FOOD COURT
you can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you just might find you fall asleep on the couch
severe weather warning: floors are lava. people are being advised to travel by couches and/or tables
ya know when you say a word a bunch and it starts sounding really weird a giraffe is the visual version of that
Call me a cynic, but I think Hallmark is just a made-up company meant to sell cards.
just because it's 2014 it doesn't mean 2012 can't still happen