I know we just met but, leave.

R2-D2 is the most offensive character in history, they bleeped out every word he ever said...

*cocks gun* I think we both always knew it would end like this - Thing's I've always wanted to say.

People on here are so concerned with grammar, but "Unfollow" isn't a word.

Early morning call to my stock broker: I want you to invest in some of this "Cocaine" I keep hearing so much about!

I'm new here and I don't know if it's normal to have this many random erections from your tweets...I'm scared...

While the blood is warm in your veins, Love someone.

When I hit 100 followers I'll consider a "Twitter Crush".

Don't you hate when you're pelvic thrusting the air behind a girl and she suddenly turns around and catches you.

It's my first day on Twitter and I already had someone tell me to "Die in a hole" I guess I'm doing this right then.

I'm looking for a beautiful woman to rule my empire with...also, I'm tired of making my own sandwhiches.

I find pleasure, in pleasing you.

I was once pulled over by a police officer and asked "Ok, where are the guns?'" to which I replied "At home with the dope!" He didn't laugh.

The only thing worse than not getting what you want, is getting what you want and still being unhappy.

Trophies are the easy part. Deciding which AVI to masturbate to, now we have a problem...

I intend to activate a #favstar account soon & pass out trophies to those I deem worthy...

Female atheists call me GOD when I fuck them. The Irony.

Take a shot for me! ...no really, steal a shot and bring it back to me.

If she ever says "Just tell me, I won't get mad" don't tell her, she will be mad. Very mad.

With my power to predict the future, I see heavy drinking, masterbation, A failed attempt at humor causing an awkward moment & more drinking