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My sexy face is oddly reminiscent of a baby being shocked by the sound of its own fart.
You had me at...being born with a vagina.
You can lead a cow up stairs but not down them. Hopefully your bedroom is on the ground level, or else you're hanging out with her all day
I lost my virginity in the same fashion that a cd player spits out a cd it can't read.
I only eat lady fingers if they're twat flavored.
I think my British male friend was hitting on me when he asked if I wanted "a packet of crisps"
Pro Tip: More oral, less tip, loose morals, tight slit.
I'm going to blame your shitty attitude on your bloody pussy.
Is it still phone sex if she's at Target asking a teenage employee where the Crocs are?
I'm walking the 1/2 mile to Fox Theater in Oakland, where the Governor of California is, then asking why we still don't have hover crafts
"I like the sound of that!"-Me being an asshole and probably condescending.
The best part of drawing a smiley face on your junk is getting it off.
I smell like sex and candy. Well, more like a candy cigarette after sex...and my own saliva lube...oh, and goat cheese. I need a cigarette
"Girl, I'll wear your crotch like a hat, like a fur-dora or something."
If I were to describe my looks to you, I would say I'm a mix between Danny Glover and Old Mother Hubbard's shoe.
The Talented Mr. Ripley was Don Quixote's nickname for his penis.
If your name is Marco, I assume you wear white skinny jeans and try to make your bulge look like its not just your balls.
If DNA is filled with tiny little code that instructs the body what to do, why do women insist on not learning to cook & clean?
I have gotten uglier as I got older but my penis seems to have turned into a swan, according to these polaroids in my uncle's dresser
That art gallery smelled like anal sex.