Standing listening to two kids smothered in Hot Topic arguing if Blink 182 or Greenday started punk. I believe this is justifiable homicide

Facebook is the person you want people to think you are and Twitter is the fucked up Motherfucker you really are

Once an asshole, always an asshole. That's what's called a preexisting condition in the insurance game

Sexual harassment my ass, when I was young,broads knew how to take a compliment

Everytime I see one of those Kias I watch the doors open with anticipation and not once is it a ghetto hamster. WTF

Stopped at The Dollar Store for margarine all they had was "This Shit Ain't Butta"

I love Wal-Mart at the first of the month, this way I get to see everyone's food I'm paying for

Hangovers are God's way of reminding you how fucking awesome you were last night

Fuck your bottled water, I just took a drink from the hose like a man motherfucker

Watching BeetleJuice. Have you seen BeetleJuice? I love Beetle... Sonofabitch that was close

If you call a woman a whore because she is fucking someone else, maybe you need to think about why she's fucking someone else

No matter what happens to me, I wake up every morning and think, hey at least I don't like to fuck shoes

Before Twitter the fucked up voices in my head never had a proper outlet

Here I am with all this candy and no van

If you are coming on Twitter for sympathy and understanding you picked the wrong place motherfuckers

There is only one good thing about being an adult. It's that I can drink a beer at 11:30am and no one can saying a fucking word about it

Dammit, I hate when I have to walk back to the bathroom because I left my beer in the shower

Kid in my alley just yelled "I ain't stupid -n- shit" your grammar,wifebeater,and homemade neck tat, suggest otherwise my man

"Tigga please"...Winnie The Shit

Just finished hosing out my van and got a fresh bag of candy. It's gonna be a great afternoon