Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
*kid sits in geography class and notices that Turkey is next to Hungary*
"I wonder if anyone has figured out this comedy gold?"
*steps out of shower*
Man, my hair is looking pretty good. Well, time for bed.
It's like my grandfather used to tell me: "Eric, you're a fucking retard."
We weren't close.
*opens time capsule labeled '2003'*
*nothing but crunk spills out*
Matter is neither created or destroyed. So there is indeed a place in the universe where everyones deleted self photos are floating in shame
I go hard in the paint. Too hard. The paint is terrified of me now. I should make amends.
If I had to do it all over again, I would leave my backpack slightly open just to watch people go nuts telling me that my backpack is open.
Just yelled "Audit the Fed!" at two birds outside my window. They just flew away like they don't even care about inflation.
You can tell that an alien is posing as a human being when they only use one ketchup packet on their fries.
Hey girl can I get your number? Fuc-koff? What's the area code?
Opinions are like assholes. I have seven.
Sweatervests: keeping your belly warm and your conversations short.
Sorry I'm late boss, *fixes tie* *runs a comb through hair* me and my cat were badmouthing a bird that was outside the window.
I'm pretty sure trains add extra empty cars just to make us wait a little longer.
I haven't even had a sex bot follow me in months. Think I definitely jumped the shark, guys.
Somebody at work took my bottle of water that was in the fridge. 50 points from Gryffindor!
*looks at March Madness brackets* I went to community college. *puts head in toilet for a month*