TT @namenlos4 Woman asks the time.
Get my phone out, check WhatsApp, SMS, Twitter, put phone back.
"So what's the time?"
Get my phone out...

If @timtfj's Norwegian doesn't deceive me, pic.twitter.com/tX2UWSQfkP is the Troll's Tongue.
cc @ranilillanjum
- via @earthpix

..
"M, Moneypenny?"
"Terse."
..
"York, Bond!"
"New?"
"Just York."
..
"Your Brompton, 007."
"A bike, Q?"
"Don't break it."
..
#artwiculate

VerDant! (expl.): Ineffective curse used by non-native greenhorn German speakers #artwiculate

Ingress and Egress congress, cooperate as one, and #artwiculate upon the spot.
The Revolving Door is born.

@ruderaccoon MUTTER KENNT NUR ALTSMS GLEICH TELEGRAMM STOP TELEGRAMM IMMER GROSSGESCHRIEBEN STOP TELEGRAMM VER STOP STOP STOP TEUER STOP

. @timtfj @mollydotcom Actually, #Apple has been the new #Microsoft for a while now.
Main difference: Bill Gates hasn't been canonised yet.

RT @theta_aquarii: "A leaked CIA memo reveals that detainees who resisted waterboarding were often then forced to debug Javascript in IE."

@gkeast @phorrest: Some of Stuckey's freak show rivals http://yawoot.com/post/1964 (Thanks for the link, @elisasophia!)

"Don't panic, Arthur: you're safe."
"That must be a definition of safe with which I am, as yet, unfamiliar."
#H2G2! @bbcradio4 #H2G2

aglet (n.): Telomere for a shoelace
#artwiculate

@timtfj Only the past ~140 years. Funke (n., Ger.) = spark(Engl.), cf. spark transmitter. funken (v., Ger.) = to transmit (a radio signal).

@timtfj @lianabrooks Try http://t.co/QcsHb6SS
(the instant-search keyword is "swivel").

@timtfj @danuiseult
"These tweets are made for walking /
And that's just what they'll do. /
[..]
Are you ready tweets? Start walkin'!"

@mollydotcom @timtfj @karlbright As Enid Blyton wrote:
It was a cough /
that carried him off. /
It was a coffin /
they carried him off in.

"Decimate! Decimate!" repeated the Homœopath to the Dalek, until just the merest memory of an ethereal perturbation remained.

#PopFilms There's Something about Peter, Paul and Mary

MT @jwlapworth &@simonbayly via @drblench:
f(x) walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry, we don't cater for functions".

@mollydotcom The best of any belief system helps its believers express the best of their humanity.
The death of one of us diminishes us all.

. @timtfj @swindong: Those in Power tend to confuse Christian values with the values of the Inquisition, using any means to maintain power.